Hey there RPW community! Long time lurker. So let me give you guys a background: I’ve had a troubled past with multiple failed relationships, some men who straight up took advantage of me, my fair use of drugs and alcohol in my teens and some antidepressants in my early 20s.

Cut to today. I am married to this wonderful man. We have a 15 month old daughter together who is absolutely gorgeous. We have tripled our income since we had her. I’ve started my own content marketing agency, I exercise regularly and I am now fitter than my pre pregnancy self. I no longer drink or smoke. Not even occasionally.

My husband is a regular drinker and needs 2-3 drinks at the end of the night. He is extremely loving and adores me to the core. Like he always wants to spoil me and shower me with love. I don’t think I’ve seen any other husband love a wife so much tbh. As someone with an anxious attachment I often find that my feelings of love are appealed to when he is being aloof or distant. I also have had a rough past so did not completely believe him initially when he told me he loved me. Now I know that he does. And while I love him too, I am just unable to match his level of affection and adoration towards me. I sometimes wish I had met him before all the strings of bad relationships so I could feel just as giddy for him as I did for my first shitty high school boyfriend.

He brings a lot to the table. He’s hard working, very conscientious, very responsible and truly seems himself as the provider and protector of our family. Earlier I was skeptical of us building the life I want but as we’ve been together I’ve only seen our financial trajectory go up. Since I started my business (I’m very entrepreneurial and know how to get clients / sell my services) he’s been helping me as well. He pays all the bills and hates taking any money from me. Although right now I make as much as him.

What’s holding me back is my own negative thoughts. That I am not as loving as other women perhaps. Sometimes I hate that I’ve lost that child in me that feels head over heels in love. I am moody and often feel sad. My husband hates seeing this and thinks I don’t love him. Which is not the case at all.

I just want to know how I can work on my negative thought patterns, make him feel loved, reconcile with the fact that maybe I am not the 18 year old I used to be and can love in other ways…. I want to master my mood, be kinder to myself and learn to (show) love again! DMs open