My wife and I have been married 15 years. Since she said "I do" our sex life has never been great. The actual sex is fantastic, she's amazing, but our sexual relationship is lacking and definitely getting worse.

At the time of writing, we haven't sex since before Christmas. I can't remember when exactly, but it's been about 8-10 weeks. We've passed both the stereotypical Christmas and birthday. We've had sex 4 times since we got home from our summer holiday in August. I'd say anything between 4 and 8 weeks is about the norm. And I'm talking normal sexual intercourse, I don't even remember the last sexual encounter we had that was just about one or the other of us.

Oral sex... I would do for her every day if she let me. She hardly ever does. Can't remember the last time she said yes though. Her to me... I could count on one hand since we got married. The last time being last August on holiday.

The first week of that holiday was amazing. We were at it virtually every night, and it was incredible. However, it recently occurred to me she was drunk every night. She didn't drink much the second week and we didn't have sex once. The last "adventurous" session that comes to mind was last Christmas, when again she was drunk.

She has difficulties reaching orgasm. Particularly through intercourse. She says she's had one orgasm in her life during sex, which thankfully was with me. Other than that it takes external stimulation or a toy. I enjoy both of those things because I just love watching her enjoy herself. I've asked if we can try and get her help, like a sexual therapist or something, I don't know if it's physical or emotional. But it falls on deaf ears, "yeah maybe one day, not at the moment though we've got too much on already..." etc...

She says that because of those difficulties, she just doesn't enjoy sex and isn't interested as much as me. If we were having sex once a week and I wanted it every 2 or 3 days I'd accept that, but I don't think 8-10 weeks is normal?

I've tried talking to her about it like adults. The first time not long after Christmas I got "here we go again, feeling sorry for yourself like you do every 2 weeks". I wish it was every 2 weeks 🤣 so, I changed the subject and moved on.

I tried again today, by text because we're both in work, and long story short she understands my feelings but it is what it is and I have to suck it up and get on with it. She says she doesn't want it any more than we do it, and isn't going to do something she doesn't want to do.

Which equally, I understand. Of course I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to do, that's just horrible. But, that said, I don't think I can be happy any more in a non intimate, sexless relationship.

I love her. I know she loves me. I'm still sexually attracted to her. But I even feel that waning after 15 years of rejections and knockbacks. Is she sexually attracted to me? I honestly have no idea. There's nothing she says or does to suggest either way. I don't think for one second she's having an affair. I think if we didn't have sex for a year, I could point it out and she'd be surprised. It means nothing to her. But it means so much to me. I've told her I'm struggling, but she's no idea how much. Every night she goes to bed I sit in silence. I've cried sometimes. I drink every night. I've started smoking again after quitting 10 years ago. I think if I spoke to a professional I'd be diagnosed as depressed. But fatherhood and my career don't allow me that luxury.

We have children too. Aged between 10 and 15. I know the whole "staying for the children's sake" is an entirely different topic, but I don't want to walk away from something that can be salvaged.

I've got several fears.

What if she gets over this 10 years from now and finds her sexuality, by which time I've mentally given up and can't keep up with her? Will she be as patient as me or would she leave? What if, when I'm old and look back on my life, I'm full of regret for what I went without? What I didn't experience? And even worse, what if I resent her for that?

And I'm not having an affair myself. I made her a promise 15 years ago and I will keep it no matter what it does to me.

What do I do?!?!? 😭