In this day and age, is it still considered a rule that men pay for the first date?

M_Aguilar · 2013-06-19T19:47:10+00:00

Yes. Although ziplining and reppeling is not the average first date.

But yes. Go in assuming you invited someone out to an activity and your popping the bill. If they insisted on splitting, thats just an added benefit.

2013-06-19T22:18:04+00:00

I've always stuck to "whoever plans the date pays", which is pretty fair for a first date sort of situation. I've been asked on dates, and they had no problem buying dinner (I'm a cheap date, so they don't have to spend much). When I invite someone somewhere, I pay, unless the person insists otherwise. There's no point in arguing about it, so if they really want to, they can.

2013-06-19T20:12:15+00:00

For a first date stick to coffee or drinks. If you want an activity go to a park for a walk or play pool.

It is a bad idea to lock yourself and her into a date activity that someone cannot graciously back out of if there is no chemistry or she is psycho. With ziplining, at least when I have done it you are with a group of people doing a course. You can't just bail. You can always extend the date into a meal if things go well.

As far as who pays, I don't know that there is a rule. I guess whoever asks maybe? Going dutch is just weird to me. I don't even go dutch with friends. I would rather just pay myself. I (as a woman) have never been fully comfortable beyond maybe letting a guy buy me a cup of coffee or a drink on a first date though.

Even with my bf now he paid for the drinks and pool (I tried to pay) and I snatched the dinner check before he could get to it when we extended our date. We still play the grab the check game every time we go out.

I will say that it is a MAJOR red flag in my book if she doesn't at least attempt to pay and if you pay for the first date she should pay for the second date.

Irrelevant_Tosser · 2013-06-19T22:02:27+00:00

I dislike the idea of splitting the bill. I think it is far better for one person to pay per date, but that you should take turns. If I pay this time, you pay next time. It still comes out roughly even, but the act of taking turns makes more sense to human nature.

I will usually mention I prefer taking turns during conversation at some point, even if it is in passing, as I think first dates are the time that you should set up what ground rules you want in a relationship (and of course to find out what ground rules they want). This only applies if your goal is a relationship.

As for your original question, I have always paid for the first date.

2013-06-20T03:55:42+00:00

I consider myself an intelligent person and at the same time a gentlemen. I've been known to pick up the tab when i really didn't need to. It's my choice to do so.

On the other hand I'm seeing this stunningly beautiful young black lady around my age. Our first two "dates" I went to her house and we watched some movies and a basketball game and the second time I cooked her some cheap steak i got at a grocery store (well what i consider cheap steak... there is such a thing as too cheap of steak..) anyways my point being she is more than happy with what we are doing right now. This sunday were going to go fishing. Yeah I'm paying for gas but I invited her out to go fishing and I picked a place far away to go to. My choices. I could have said walk in the park or hike in the hillside and she would have accepted those also.

HappyGerbil88 · 2013-06-19T19:41:09+00:00

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SteelCrossx · 2013-06-20T05:17:18+00:00

I am married and not single. But if I was dating there would be a certain standard I would apply to all possible future companions.

they pay for everything.
they disclose how much they make, what type of car they drive, houses etc.
they express to me, sincerely, they are ok with me staying home, raising kids, and not working.
they exhibit no signs of controlling behaviors, "text me when you get home, call me, why didn't you call me, who are you going out with"
they show no signs of hating men, "I'm a feminist, women still get paid less, my last ex was an asshole".
they show no signs of violence, "I told him to shut up or i would punch him in the face, he asked me to dance so I threw a drink in his face".
they have no kids.
they have never been married before.
they have a father.
they love their father, had a relationship with him.

I realize this pretty much ensures I would be single. But really, with fleshlights, prostitutes and platonic relationships with men, it's not really a big deal.

rightsbot · 2013-06-19T19:38:17+00:00

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2013-06-20T03:31:16+00:00

Nope, SO and I split the cost for the dinner/movie or other similar situations. I pay dinner, she pays movie and vice versa. I've never gone on a second date with a girl who doesn't value herself and her earning power enough to pay.

2013-06-19T20:21:44+00:00

Nah. If it aint dinner and drinks then don't pay for her. You'll just look like a chump if you do.

5HydroxymethylC · 2013-06-19T20:47:20+00:00

Yes, because women earn only 78% of what men do.

Of course that will always be the case because of the differences between men and women in the choices they make. But if it should perchance ever occur that draconian socialist legislation is enacted to radically equalize earnings, then the answer will still be yes, because "tradition".

See how equality works?

4man · 2013-06-19T21:07:56+00:00

Any empowered, self-assured woman will assume the date is 50/50. This will be an obvious red flag if she tries to damsel on supporting herself.

Title	In this day and age, is it still considered a rule that men pay for the first date?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	34
Date	June 19, 2013 7:37 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1gobyc/in_this_day_and_age_is_it_still_considered_a_rule/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/in-this-day-and-age-is-it-still-considered-a-rule.1170743 https://theredarchive.com/post/1170743

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