First post: We’re living in Japan now but we’re both Americans from New York.

We have a 5 year old daughter whom I love dearly.

Divorce hasn’t yet been filed. She won’t divorce in Japan. I don’t want to divorce in NY because I think I’ll get screwed. Should I file here? Can I file here? What if she doesn’t sign? What if I don’t sign in NY?

I don’t have legal representation yet, but I’ve contacted a lawyer here. They were not much help. Should I get a lawyer in NY or consult with a better one here?

We don’t own a home or a car. Just my 2 401ks and stuff. She has $200,000 in student loans. We live together now. They’re leaving back to the states next month.

No restraining orders. She’s thrown water in my face and hit me. I never laid a hand on her. I’m a great and loving father.

Been living here 4 years. My daughter speaks perfect Japanese. Life here is great. If I go back, she’ll manipulate me to death and use my mom and brothers against me. I have decided to stay here. My job is good and I don’t want to be depressed and miserable in NYC. Not to mention broke living with my mom. She at one point convinced me to move back and I agreed but now I am realizing the only reason I would is for my daughter. But I am 100 days sober today and don’t want to ruin it in NYC. My community is here.

It breaks my heart to lose my daughter, but it’s the best thing right now, on many levels unless I can get screwed legally. I’ll find ways to maintain my relationship with my daughter.

I don’t think she can file divorce in NY unless she’s been living there for a year at least. This might buy me some time and let things calm down.

Obviously, it’s stressful beyond belief and I’m taking to a therapist as well. I’m ready to make bold and tactical moves to preserve my ass as best as possible. Any insights would be much appreciated. Happy to answer any other questions as well, since I know I’m leaving things out...