So I posted this earlier in the week but then was self conscious and removed it. But I'm posting it again because I know as women we often tell ourselves well "he's different" or "yea but..." and we make excuses for our men because we just can't accept that if he wanted to he would. Because it is painful to realize that he isn't showing up, he is underperforming, he is slacking because he isn't interested and can't be bothered. That's a very hard pill to swallow. So instead we make concessions, all other men but not ours. In a very weird, paradoxical way we almost say our own version of not all men.

But Queens, if he wanted to he absolutely, 100%, without question would.

I'll give you my story- I met a guy on a dating site we hooked up the first night we met. He then proceeded to drag me along the next three months with the promise we would eventually date. We went on one date the whole time and in the end he ended up dating another woman. I should have walked away then but I held on to this silly notion he was the one and I kept tabs on him and when they broke up I kind of jumped in with a big pick me sign and he did. What proceeded were two months of me being a bangmaid that he never took on one date and who he bought a shower head as a Valentine's day gift for.

The biggest cause of distress in our relationship was that he worked second shift as a cook but half the time cancelled plans on me because work needed him to stick around. I would spend the whole day thinking I would see him and excited he was coming over only to get a text last minute saying work needed him to stay and there was nothing he could do. I would be devastated. But I just accepted it was what it was.

The relationship ended after two months and our first fight when he just changed his status on Facebook. He ended up moving away to live with his brother but before he did his brother came back to town to visit and that night he was supposed to see his brother but work asked him to stay again and he didn't. He just left and work was fine. I remember reading this text and saying out loud to my guinea pigs "OMG all those times he bailed on me and made it seem like he didn't have a choice he had a choice. If he wanted to come over and tell work he couldn't stay he could've. He just chose not to." If he wanted to he would've.

So Queens, please stop making any excuses. If he wanted to he would. Don't waste your time with this worthless dudebro. Wait for the guy who will move mountains to make you smile. Not the one who will let you down because you are his inconvenience. Hold out for the man who will do more for you because he wants to.