Unsure if I’m crossing a line by asking “why” about husband’s decision

KombuchaEnema · 2021-03-07T21:38:06+00:00

I think a good leader is often willing to explain the logic and rationale behind their decisions because a good leader recognizes that good followers aren’t just mindless zombies and it’s perfectly human to have questions.

SatyaNi · 2021-03-07T21:22:50+00:00

As an adult, you can and you should know the « why » about decision involving what you can do in your house.

May be the way you ask was disrespectful, though. I can’t say with what you give us as information.

teaandtalk · 2021-03-07T22:11:58+00:00

I could be completely off base here, but I know that spending time with family, particularly parents, can leave people feeling a bit emotionally raw. Your husband may have felt criticized and questioned by his father during the visit, and then feels criticized by you asking questions afterwards. Is that a possibility?

Alternatively, he could be a jerk. Is this a common pattern of behavior?

2021-03-08T02:53:39+00:00

Being feminine and an RPW is not about being a fuckin doormat. You're an adult and you wanted to know why. It sounds like you asked in a polite manner. You are not a child that needs to just "accept his answer". There's no need to argue or create waves, & certainly there's a way to go about this, but no, it's not your fault for not preemtively thinking of all the scenarios and how the day might go. It's not even his fault. Maybe he decided last minute based on how he was reading the room, but you did nothing wrong by asking for his reasoning.

forgedhunter · 2021-03-10T11:12:29+00:00

I’m a man so I’m not really sure if I should be posting here, but he’s not mad because you questioned him. He’s mad because you questioned him in front of somebody. You should’ve bit your tongue and talked about it afterwards. If my wife makes a decision in front of people, wether I agree with it or not, I go along with it. So long as it’s not some sort of major decision. For instance I’m particular about letting our children have treats, but if the family is over and my wife says yes to my children I’m am not going to question her decision in front of anybody, I’ll bite my tongue. And I fully expect her to do the same for me and if she doesn’t I’d become agitated.

merabaid · 2021-03-08T02:48:14+00:00

I agree with what was said already. You're not in the wrong for asking but if you know it's a tense situation for him, take care to anticipate a similar response in the future and either sit it out and be less involved or be more supportive of him. This really depends on what he needs and it could definitely help to talk about the pressure he feels with his family around and what he needs before there is another visit.

This doesn't mean what you need is not important but before you go making plans consider that he may already have his own plans and if he has a harder time dealing with the stress of it maybe you should default to his preferences. Especially for something that doesn't seem to bother you as much.

I would let him know you were hurt by his response but not until you first hear his rationale. If he still doesn't want to tell you I would then tell him you were hurt by that and move on. He may still be feeling upset and need more time but he should eventually acknowledge your feelings and come explain to you what was going on.

eventually_throwing · 2021-03-08T22:32:36+00:00

A living room is alot more formal, especially with a guest yous don't sit well with or hardly have visiting. If your husband doesn't get along with his father or family that well, it could be not wanting to be critized By them. Is it a playroom for kids toys or a gameroom with a pool table,couch, playstation.

Either way it'll be weird to be drag out to a play room. If it's just for the kids and their toys, does the grandfather sit down and play toys with the kids an ask them how it's all going? If he doesn't you'll most likely have your kid being noisy telling you about each toy whilst yous are all trying to talk which can be annoying. If your father in law is one to talk shit about it all after, your husband could be keeping him away from the playroom. example... ffs I went to visit thing the other day, him an Mrs thing sat me down in their kids new playroom on some fold out Dora nap couch where we basically sat on the floor so they could flex about their newly renovated playroom.. or things got a bit of money now days, they renovated a room for toys.

Or if its a gameroom with a decent TV or pool table or something along those lines, it could all look like yous spend not so wisely.

If it's nothing like that, a trip to the playroom seems kind of weird, that's something women do when their friends are over for a chat to show off the nice new room they just had done. Or If your husbands friends came over to see it I'd say they'd only go to that playroom or want to go there because it's a gameroom with a pooltable or playstation. Or they got just have a builders mindset and want to see the craftsmanship that's gone into it. Either way they heard about it before hand and wouldn't need asking to head to the playroom if they were there to visit. Possibly wouldn't explain his thinking because it'll sound completely off putting. Where you'd end up responding with... pfff that's stupid and question it and try get answers from him there an then with his father there or it might make you think he thinks the playroom is stupid an a waste of time, when in reality it's just him wanting to keep it formal and not sit down with guests in a toy room. I obviously could be wrong on it all, but picturing myself visiting someone, friends or family... I really would find myself weirded out being in their playroom, if it is more in the sense of a game room, I'd still find it strange as I'm not much of a game person, I tend to visit for more formal catch ups/discussions on things and a playroom seems like you'd have to know the persons/guests personality to make the decision about whether they'd enjoy time in the playroom.

2021-03-10T19:24:05+00:00

Uh... your husband is your husband, not a dictator. You have every right to question his decisions. If he decides to smoke crack, will you sit idly by because he is muh husband?

C'mon now... there is a hapoy medium and ignoring your feelings because you want to make someone happy is the key for you to become resentful of them.

Relationship is a dance, it keeps changing the lead as the rhytim goes... we need to both listen and speak. No one should rule the will of the other.

Title	Unsure if I’m crossing a line by asking “why” about husband’s decision
Author	1987dd1987
Upvotes	6
Comments	16
Date	March 7, 2021 9:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lzzs8x/unsure_if_im_crossing_a_line_by_asking_why_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/unsure-if-im-crossing-a-line-by-asking-why-about.1191170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191170

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