"entitlement" when used in the realm of gender discussions is a word I've come to dislike. This is why.

auMatech · 2021-03-07T16:05:25+00:00

Good writeup, I've been trying to articulate how I feel about the overuse of entitlement as well, but you pretty much spoke my mind.

I've started seeing similar uses of the term "violence" as a similar catch-all.

novhaku · 2021-03-08T23:18:14+00:00

It's not directly related to the whole "nice guys feel entitled" phenomenon, but to add to the "entitlement" problem, which is a buzzword that I've disliked for a fairly long time because of it constantly being abused; particularly by women, but we only have feminism to thank for that since it has managed to conflate bad behaviour and "being strong and independent", otherwise it'd just be a global problem caused by our the last hyper-individualistic generations;

Add to that the fact that even outside of this, the word is constantly being used as a "joker" card as if it was enough to make any complain null.

Eg..: if I ask you something politely and respectfully, I'm not "entitled" if I get annoyed by an answering bordering on insults. Because that's not how a functional human being is supposed to be, and if a man reacted the same way, he would most certainly be considered an asshole. Not just "someone you shouldn't feel entitled to a polite answer from". If we're close and I catch you constantly lying to me and talk to you about it, no, I'm not "feeling entitled" to your honesty or attention. I'm complaining because you apparently don't know how to deal with a functional, healthy social relationship. Same deal with any kind of relationship that isn't give-and-take; I've had that problem with friends way too often. If you don't "give", you're a terrible person, if you expect the friendship not to be abusive and therefore to "receive", you're entitled.

This "entitlement" criticism is supposed to criticize the fact that you're self-centered. Ironically enough, it became a joker used to defend self-centered personalities; anything that doesn't go MY way = entitlement. Even if any rational people in this situation that is trying to make things work would have the right to have some expectations in this situation. No one cares about the context and about whether said "entitlement" might be justified or not.

In fact... it's commonly celebrated and called something like... "trust", you know? Trusting someone you just ask the time to to be a functional human being and respond politely instead of insulting you or being suspicious of you. Trusting this person to be honest. Trusting the society who taught you should act a certain way towards others. Trusting someone you were there for, even if the person didn't notice it, to be there for you as well when you need it the most. All of these things are expectations, "entitlement", and since you've already done your part of the job and are just expecting the other side to be a good person by not treating you like absolute crap. That's the basis of any healthy social relationship.

"Entitlement", the word supposed to criticize egocentrism, basically became a joker to excuse narcissistic and anti-social behaviour; "Nobody is entitled to my time". The little king sitting on its throne, the person's ego, is the only thing that matter, anything that is inconvenient is seen as the other person trying to "take ownership" of him. This way, you can justify not having to do your part of the job in any social setting! Isn't that wonderful?

Not to mention that it also exempt you of any kind of empathy or understanding; if you judge the expectations as bad by default, there's no need to wonder about why this person feels entitled to something or has its trust broken.

Which does lead to a lot more problems down the line. Men not opening up? How can you expect someone to "open up" when any requirement the person has will be judged as feeling entitled? Men suffering abuse and/or manipulation? Same deal. He has learned that his wants are judged as undesirable; lack of self-esteem and suicidal tendencies? Try being said by close ones that any of your wants, needs or wishes are problematic and are just you trying to take ownership of the person, even if what you ask for is actually sensible/way less than what you give. It'll do a number on your mental health down the line. Hecl, that's actually one of the most common way gaslighting is used and it might even cause the person to think it indeed is abusive for daring to have some wants buried deep in its heart. It's usually a problem for insecure people, but when this phenomenon is used against a gender on a societal scale by denying and diabolizing any of its pleas, even the hardest ones may break.

This word has been "stolen" by people teaching others to use it in selfish and unhealthy ways, "because you're the only person that matter and your own immediate comfort is paramount.

Even in the situations where "you're being denied something that you're entitled to.", the fault doesn't necessarily fall on the person feeling entitled to something. Hell, isn't that the story of most abusive relationships with, say, a narc to give an example? In these situations, your needs matter. It's not entitlement. In fact, not following these "entitlements" would lead you into a toxic relationship, according to the very same people using this word for anything and everything. They're quick to recognize that "entitlement" isn't necessarily a bad thing, depending of the context, apparently.

Nobody leverages these accusations against people who are upset about things like not being able to find nice clothes. or not being able to afford a car.

In these situations, it's called jealousy, and it is someone welcome with pity instead. "She's working so much, she really should be able to afford herself better clothes/a better car/whatever". Of course jealousy can also be viewed negatively at times... But there's a lot more tolerance and warmth towards this feeling, depending of the jealous person's life. Compared to "entitlement" which is always used as a strict negative (caused by the PATRIARCHY!!) even when it shouldn't be there.

The issue I would place at the core of all of this is selfishness. And feminism gave a golden opportunity for the women feeling like it to justify said selfishness and lack of empathy. Women aren't men's slaves > any man wanting something from you is wrong and feeling entitled. It's a giant stretch that ignore any possible context and anything that makes human societies complex, but that's how it is. And this is used to completely derail the meaning of the word in order to make it a strict negative.

Also, I wouldn't blame gender roles alone. There's also the fact that men receive on average less emotional support, but are still (usually) social creatures, and they usually tried the more half-baked version of it before and it probably didn't work. Which can lead to people "trying too hard" to compensate. Despair+the other side being in a buyer's market = people do anything to make them stand out, even stupid things.

"entitlement" when used in the realm of gender discussions is a word I've come to dislike. This is why.

Crosspost ""entitlement" when used in the realm of gender discussions is a word I've come to dislike. This is why." from /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates:

Comments

Title	"entitlement" when used in the realm of gender discussions is a word I've come to dislike. This is why.
Author	Forgetaboutthelonely
Upvotes	43
Comments	4
Date	March 7, 2021 4:48 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/lzjegh/entitlement_when_used_in_the_realm_of_gender/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/entitlement-when-used-in-the-realm-of-gender.1191296 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191296