It's not worth it. It's not her as I don't blame her but I do blame society. I don't blame women but I do blame how women think.

My soul is fucking tired.so many years I've worked hard because I thought by this age I would be a better man and have options but I don't.

just because you work on yourself and self-improved does not mean you will get all the benefits of your work back in equal proportion.

we will all like to think that life works on equivalent exchanges but sometimes that's not the case.

Everyone says you need to self improve and do all these things to be attractive and yet women still find me attractive and when I was at my best a lot of women still didn't and that's something that really is confusing me and I'm starting to accept but I also don't want to continue dating anymore because I'm not getting anything fun out of it

Hanging out with her has been nice and going places and she's not a bad person but I feel like my heart is burned out.

if dating is fun it's fun for women but so far I'm not having fun because I'm constantly wondering if I'm looking strong enough or confident enough or manly enough or sexy enough.

and I also do still have a lot of resentment and bitterness to Old exes and female bullies. A lot of women really do not seem to know how to self analyze self critique or be open and empathetic as they say they want me to do because I have yet to see it except for a few women.

Really,for every woman that has told me that I need to be understanding or self-reflect or work on myself I really want to tell her to do the same and actually put an honest effort in it.

If feminist and women were really a sympathetic as they say they were they wouldn't be making t-shirts and kill all men.

I got a native American friend who's white father was super racist and crazy who used to beat his mother and him and stole his identity and put him inside child fighting rinks. He has PTSD and he is very good now.

But his story will fly completely over the face of a feminist because in order for the ideology to maintain no man can have it worse than a woman which is insane.

I'm a boy who was raised in this feminist generation and a lot of feminist rhetoric isn't bad but some of it is hurtful especially if you're young and developing still like I was

it is not surprising that a lot of boys seem to think girls don't enjoy sex and vice versa because of how much we are taught how the other gender hurts the other one

When I was in high school I would never make any sexual past or touch a female unless I knew her personally just because of how much we were told growing up about harassment and making a girl feel uncomfortable and also what happens to do to our two bold even if they aren't weird.

I've had to defend other men because a woman called them creepy and was prepared to go spread that around even though he wasn't but who do you think will be believed?

a lot of women and girls know they can use that to their advantage but then cry the opposite whenever they're advantage no longer works and I can't stand that as a man because ever since I was a kid I've had to learn to lock up my emotions even though I did not have to just to survive and it still has an effect today but that is not because of patriarchy

That's because of society in which men and women live and make up.

I will never get those years back of just being a free and open teenager and instead I carried a lot of weight and was never my true self because if I was too happy or giddy or emotional I was a punk, pussy, bitch, faggot, white boy, pansy.

And if I was too much aggressive or even stood up for myself I would get in trouble or have the police called or have my parents called.

now that I'm older I don't take it as seriously and sometimes it's funny to call it out but I will never get all of those years back especially those golden years that are your developmental stage.

I didn't start coming into my own until I was around and I sometimes marvel after thought of what my self-esteem and health would look like if I just let go of society standards a few years earlier.

but I don't blame me and I don't blame any other boy anymore because it's that hard and confusing.

Before I end this post I'm going to leave you guys with this question.

If I go outside with a pink dress on and cry do I lose 5 man points? and if that's true if I then change into my gym outfit and start bench pressing 200 pounds do I gain those five man points back?