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Karen DeCrow advocates for legal paternal surrender in 1982 article for the NY Times

mtcapri

January 18, 2020
17 upvotes
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
https://www.nytimes.com/1982/05/09/magazine/l-no-headline-123813.html
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Title Karen DeCrow advocates for legal paternal surrender in 1982 article for the NY Times
Author

mtcapri

Upvotes 17
Comments 20
Date January 18, 2020 1:12 AM UTC
(6 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/eq9o56/karen_decrow_advocates_for_legal_paternal/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/karen-decrow-advocates-for-legal-paternal.1201290
https://theredarchive.com/post/1201290
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Comments

[–]Haloisi 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

And here we are, 40 year later, and "if you have sex, you agree to have children" is still 100% acceptable if it's about a man, and not if it's about women. The reproductive choices of men who at some point want a child run on condoms, trust and hopes.

[–]mtcapri[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is Katherine Spillar's position (editor of Ms. Magazine). Men get to exercise control of their parenthood by choosing to use contraceptives, but regardless of the effectiveness of said contraceptives, if a woman gets pregnant, it's the woman's choice. This is "justified" by the fact that women "bear the greater burden" of having a child, due to their biology.

Katherine Spillar is a fucking sexist pig.

[–]mtcapri[S] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Props to u/Oncefa2 for making me aware of this in his excellent post.

[–]Oncefa2left-wing male advocate 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

I actually saw that posted by someone else on r/MensRights, but thanks ;)

I also heard that NOW used to support equal parenting laws for child custody, but somewhere along the lines changed their mind on that as well.

[–]mtcapri[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

If you can find a link that establishes NOW once supported fathers, I'd be interested to see it. Without proof, it seems politically intuitive that NOW would claim they support fathers' rights, while actually opposing them (which they have been for decades).

[–]Oncefa2left-wing male advocate 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

They currently claim to be against father's rights and against equal parenting. And they have been since at least the 90s.

But apparently Karen DeCrow (who was in charge of NOW for most of the 70s) supported both.

This article posted below (by u/mewacketergi) talks about this:

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2014/06/the-now-president-who-became-a-mens-rights-activist/372742/

Karen's views don't necessarily represent mainstream feminism, even for that time period, but a lot of feminists did agree with her. And her argument that feminism and gender equality needs to apply to men (in addition to women) appears to have largely died with her.

I think you can argue that the men's rights movement had it's origins with this shift in thought from feminists. Warren Farrell, who was something of an ally of Karen's (and used to be on the board of NOW), left feminism and became an MRA largely because of this. In fact, many early MRAs appear to have once been feminists. And a lot of feminists from that time period advocated for men and men's equality.

This shift in thought in the feminist movement was summed up by Christina Hoff Sommers during the 90s as "equity feminism" (Karen DeCrow's version of feminism) and "gender feminism" (which is essentially a woman's supremacy movement). Unfortunately, gender feminism appears to have won out. And like I said, I think this is what ultimately sparked the men's rights movement. In some ways, that makes us the modern day incarnation of that brand of feminism.

[–]mtcapri[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I totally agree that the MRM owes a lot to feminism, in that feminism got most of the gender debates started in the first place. I would also agree that many Second Wave feminists supported the egalitarian views championed by DeCrow. However, as you point out, they didn't win.

Modern feminism is a misandrist mutant of equality when it comes to gender egalitarianism.

[–]plitox_is_a_bitch 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I know there's a lot of issues with second-wave feminism, but when it comes to equality they rank a helluva lot higher than third-wavers.

In fact, I think the third wave was purely created as a reaction not to men or anything men did, but as a reaction to the responsibilities women were to take on on - and, more importantly privileges they had to give up - according to the second-wavers.

I had a teacher when I was in school. She used to talk about her schooling in the seventies and early eighties.

She called it the "Give A Girl A Spanner" era, where women were encourage to go into any and all fields - encouraged just as much to be plumbers as they were nurses as they were lawyers...

"And, ladies," she said, addressing the girls in my class, "thank GOD that's over. Be grateful."

I've also heard stories that, for example, men were afforded private male spaces on university campuses just as women had their own spaces. Men were encouraged to take an equal and active role in parenting, women were encouraged to be breadwinners to support them.

I fully believe that third-wave feminism was created to claw back the privileges they'd had under traditionalism, while keeping the privileges won under progressivism, while still avoiding the responsibilities of both.

Most of the focus of third-wave feminism has been relabelling traditionalism that favoured women in a way that's superficially progressive, and, of course, relabelling progressivism that favoured men in a way that's traditional.

For example: there aren't many women plumbers, no? Is it because women don't like being up to their elbows in shit?

No it's, because, um, As We All Know™, plumbing and manual labour trades are full massively misogynist male pigs, and it's just too dangerous to expect women to ever expect to have to deal with that.

Yet, strangely, despite the fields of, say, corporate governance or law or politics being just as sexist those fields are seen as worthy of fighting to get women into.

And while more and more men are expected (and fulfilling) domestic duties that were traditionally the role of women, credit for these is still given to women more than men, and the home is still seen as exclusively the domain of women. So still get all the credit for a good domestic situation (as is traditional), but with men taking on more and more of the responsibility (as is progressive). (Same goes for parenting).

When it comes to division of labour and responsibilities, the second wavers were a helluva lot fairer than the thirds.

It was the third-wavers who screeched out the male-only spaces on campuses in the eighties; it was the third-wavers who came up with the boys-are-broken mentality of the 90s.

[–]LacklustreFriend 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Karen DeCrow was later blacklisted by feminist groups after supporting father's rights a la Warren Farrell. It's specifically because of her advocate for men she was shunned.

[–]mewacketergi 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's such an effing shame that instead of feminists like her we got the likes of Michael Kimmel who try to persuade us that the gender war is a figment of our imagination.

[–]mewacketergi 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

She was one of the very few feminists who actually cared about the equal rights an opportunities, a shame she wasn't more prominent.

EDIT: Here's an article about her: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2014/06/the-now-president-who-became-a-mens-rights-activist/372742/

[–]Oncefa2left-wing male advocate 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Great article. I've tried arguing this point before:

Gloria Steinem has said that “women are not going to be equal outside the home until men are equal in it.”

Women are very, very hesitant to give men equal power and choice at home. The idea that men might be alienated and disadvantaged in domestic affairs is itself not widely recognized. And the narrative around the patriarchy makes a lot of women assume the opposite: that men are somehow in charge at home (academic studies disagree, of course).

It's interesting that this idea goes back at least a couple decades though, including even in feminist circles.

I smell an r/AskFeminism question over this. Not sure if I'd get banned or treated fairly, I just think this is an important aspect of gender equality.

Women will never truly be equal elsewhere in society if men aren't treated like equals at home. And yes, that means a man's preferences for how clean the house needs to be are equally as valid as a woman's.

[–]mtcapri[S] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a classic example of feminists championing female privilege. r/menslib contributors take note! You can't advocate for men's rights fully without challenging feminist orthodoxy, because mainstream feminist views contradict rights for men. Karen DeCrow is a feminist you should be championing in defiance of the likes of Katherine Spillar (editor of Ms. Magazine, and a major feminist voice today).

Feminists will never take a fully sympathetic view of men's issues, because sometimes those issues go against women's interests. By confining yourselves to feminist-approved men's issues, you are effectively saying "we fight for men's rights up and until that mean's fighting against women's privileges." By doing so, you are signalling that you are not men's rights advocates, but merely a mouthpiece for feminist claims that, because they support some men's issues, they're egalitarian. They are not! You need to divorce yourselves from the misandry of feminist philosophy and start representing men as a demographic group on the grounds of human rights.

[–]plitox_is_a_bitch 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Women are very, very hesitant to give men equal power and choice at home. The idea that men might be alienated and disadvantaged in domestic affairs is itself not widely recognized.

This is why I fucking hate the term "man cave". A man being driven out of most of his own home and exiled to a single room within it is not a "victory" for men.

I cringe every time I see some post on /r/pics or wherever make the front page along the lines of "Lol, she let me choose a picture to put up in our living room!"

[–]mtcapri[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Fuck. I'd always heard about her having reasonable ideas about fathers' rights, but I didn't realize the extent to which she opposed feminist orthodoxy, to the point of saying "let's take the 'gender' out of the 'gender debate.'" God damn it, this woman is what we fucking need! The number of issues that have biological differences at their cores are tiny; women's and men's rights are human rights, by and large. Fucking A. Fuck feminists for exiling this woman. She was the best among them, as far as I can tell.

[–]mewacketergi 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you.

God damn it, this woman is what we fucking need!

Feminism violently expunging the most decent out of its movement is sadly the norm, as far as I can see.

EDIT: I think I was able to pin-point what annoys me the most about feminism on a personal level, u/mtcapri. (This is probably not what does the most damage to men and society, but it sure is the part that gets under my skin...) When confronted with criticism, instead of acknowledging any problems in their movement, they double-down on the propaganda, bullying, cultishness and indoctrination tactics in media, and schools / universities. That, and how the prominent feminists tend to be some of the most "toxically masculine" people I've ever seen. And add to that people like Michael Kimmel, misusing their titles of scientists, while approach their subject matter with the irrationality and self-righteousness of the Pope preaching how the only reason people are reluctant to go Catholic is the influence of the Satan.

(sorry this isn't worder better, — a long day)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I have to confess I haven't looked too much yet into legal paternal surrender, not enough to have a conclusive opinion about whether and how such a thing could work in the real world. Intuitively it does make sense from an equality standpoint, but since nowadays it seems like the sort of thing that gets you branded as a hateful misogynist incel for even contemplating, (as well as a child-hating degenerate deadbeat from the conservative right!) I must admit I tend to be careful about it.

However, looking at her wikipedia page, this woman is the kind of feminist that I imagined feminists to be when I was growing up as a teenager and I did not know much about it except "feminism = equality". If all prominent feminists had such openmindedness and a "two-way street" view of equality, then I would proudly wear "this is a feminist" t-shirts and would probably not feel the need to be on a male advocacy forum. Alas, words mean things, and synonyms they are not, at least not in the current day.

[–]mtcapri[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Legal paternal surrender is a simple concept, but yes, implementation can be complicated. The problems stem from the fact that men aren't automatically aware that a woman they had sex with is pregnant, abortion can only be done in a limited timeframe, and women who choose to keep their men in the dark should not be able to deny them paternal rights just by staying silent.

The best form of it I've seen is a gender-neutral "legal parental accountability" document. Basically, all parents should have to legally sign up to have rights to a child, and thus be accountable for child support if they abandon that child. For mothers this is easy, because there's no uncertainty about whether or not they know they're the biological parent. For fathers, this can be done by legally serving him and requiring him to make a choice within a certain time frame (one month seems fair to me). In cases wherein the father cannot be legally served (because they don't have a listed address or whatever), the father should be able to legally appeal at a later date. If the mother can prove that she attempted to legally serve the father when she was pregnant, he should be required to pay back-child-support if he's granted parental rights, for the years he should have been paying; if she can't, he should not have to, even if he's granted parental rights. Also, paternity tests should be done upon a child's birth, as a matter of course, not optional or deniable by the mother or alleged father (to protect against paternity fraud). Non-biological fathers who choose to take up paternal rights to a child should not prevent biological fathers from claiming them, but paternal child support should not be doubled, but split between accountable fathers.

So, yes, it's complicated. But so are taxes and banking laws. If we can manage the complexity involved in them, we have no excuse when it comes to legal parenthood. Most feminists I've talked to are opposed to LPS, but there are some reasonable ones who are open to it, but maintain that we need to increase the amount of federal money available for disadvantaged children to account for it. I have no problem with this, so long as we're only talking about mothers in true need, not mothers who make enough to pay for their child independently.

[–]transgirltradwife 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

There are poor men, disproportionately black, sitting in prison right now because they’re unable to pay child support for children they never wanted in the first place

[–]Banake 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I read an interview with her on the book "Good Will Towards Men" by Jack Kammer. I recommend, I also discovered Suzanne Steinmetz on that book.

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