Throwaway account to maintain anonymity.

My wife told me this weekend that she had spoken to 3 divorce attorneys. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Backstory: We have been married for almost 9 years, and we have a 13 month old son, a house, all the typical married life stuff. I'm not a prefect husband by any means, about 3 years ago I was flirting via text (nothing physical came to fruition) she found out, and she caught me scrolling through some risqué photos I'd saved of other random women when I thought she was asleep (stupid of me I know). I also told her a while back that I wasn't physically attracted to her, since she let herself go, i told her that despite that I love her and offered to help her get back in shape, nothing ever came of that offer.

Fast forward, several weeks ago, she told me she was unhappy and that she felt alone she thinks I have some dark secret that i dont want to share with her, and she didn't like that I went to the basement to play video games each night. Apparently, she sits upstairs and starts running scenarios about me being addicted to porn or cheating on her (as confirmed by my best friend that she reached out to). I agreed to game less and spend more time with her in the evenings. I've been making more effort to be more intimate with her physically, I've been spending more time with her. We went to her aunts lake house, and one morning, I came out to find her on the front deck staring off into the distance. I asked if she was OK, and she started breaking down. We had a fight of sorts and she blurted out that she'd spoken to 3 divorce lawyers to try to figure out what custody would look like and swears it would be 50/50 despite me sharing the anectdotal experience of my divorced friends.

I'm not one to seek divorce, partly how I was raised and partly because of my personal beliefs. She, however, has held it over my head at least twice before.

I'm not sure what to do next, she's asked me to go to a therapist with her but in the past that hasn't been of any benefit to me as most of the problem lies with her thought patterns and co-dependent tendencies, and the therapist she's been seeing hasn't given her any help to stop these thought patterns and co-dependent behaviors. I've agreed to find someone, though, and while I don't want a divorce, I want to be prepared.

My prediction in the event of divorce is that we live in her home city, where I'm on a social island. Any support system I have is solely through her and her family and friend connections. Moving in the event of a divorce also isn't an option as my family lives over 3 hours away, and driving to split custody of my son would be extremely disruptive to his life.

I'm a bit lost, but I'm also feeling a little numb and shell shocked. I asked her to give me tangible ways to make her feel better and see my attempts to improve our marriage and all I get is "love me more" or "love me better" which for me might as well be a foreing language as it doesnt make sense, she has control of our finances, we live in a house she picked and loves, in a location where she wants to be. I got to work, play with and take care of my son in an attempt to split the responsibility, and play video games in the evening, and that's the extent of my life.

Any advice? Is there anyone with a similar experience?