Why am I not a feminist?

Who/What am I?

I am a woman. And a single mom of three daughters. My ex husband was an addict (gambler) and the entire family suffered tremendously. He never admitted that he had a problem and never wanted to go to therapy. We lost our home because he spent the money for the loan redemption in a casino and never even told me that the loan wasn't redeemed in a timely manner. The bank terminated the loan contract and evicted us. We had to move within three days in December, and at the time, my twins were only six months old. I gave him an ultimatum: go get help/therapy, because you cannot have both the family and gambling addiction. He left us and never even called us or asked if the kids are okay, how they were doing in school, if they missed him etc. He abandoned us four years ago.

I am 42 years old. I hold two Master's degrees and own a business for 15 years now. I earn well as a translator (more than well). I am financially independent and I was always financially independent. My parents were poor back then when I attended the university, so I had to work and pay for the tuition and everything else myself (I'm not complaining, actually, I'm bragging, lol).

Two years ago I entered into a romantic relationship with an old friend of mine. He's 43, he was never married and doesn't have any children. I am not sure that I can have a child with him. Of course I would love to have a child with him, but due to my age, it's possible that I cannot get pregnant. My fiance is aware of it and still accepts me and my kids as we are. He's my kids' dad, and way more caring and dedicated than their own father. My kids adore him and he loves them. I work a lot, so he takes care of the kids and helps me around the house, since he's currently unemployed (due to Covid measures and heavy reduction of the staff with his ex employer).

So, the women around me are SHOCKED when they hear my story and realize that I am not a feminist. I am financially independent and I always was. I am a sole provider for my family. My ex fled the country to avoid child support payment. He betrayed the kids and me as well. My future husband is unemployed and I am the one who earns and provides for everything. I hold two Master's degrees, I am very successful, I have three daughters, and yet, I am not a feminist! How come, they wonder. One woman told me the other day: I am 34, and not yet married. Men want younger women who can bear children, I've hit the wall and nobody wants to marry me anymore. How come that you, with three kids, at the age of 40, when you probably cannot have any more children, find a good guy who doesn't have his own children, whereas I, a single woman, with no kids, cannot find a man, although I am younger than you?

Why then am I not a feminist?

When I attended the Elementary school, I was a shy nerd. I went to chess section, math and physics section, and I was the only girl in those groups, surrounded by boys. What do you think, who discriminated me? The boys in those groups? Or maybe the girls from my class? The latter is the correct answer. The girls hated me and ridiculed me. On the other hand, the boys from those groups were very kind and supportive, they treated me like a princess, like their queen! They even defended me when the girls were to mean to me.

Later, when we were 14 and 15, all the girls from my class had boyfriends, started wearing makeup and going out, while I was still a nerd who loved reading, math and languages. I wasn't interested in boys at all. I wasn't going out with anyone. The girls were even meaner, they called me ugly, told me that "nobody wants me, that's why I don't have a boyfriend".

In Grammar school the situation wasn't much different. I had my first boyfriend when I was 19, simply because I wasn't interested in relationships. I was focused on my education and had my dream to fulfill (to become a translator). I studied hard, I was also a volleyball player and swimmer, and I simply didn't care about going out or boyfriends. Those four years of my Grammar school were a living hell. The girls would sometimes ridicule me, tear my "ugly clothes", even hit me and kick me for "being ugly AF".

Grammar school is completed here where I live at the age of 19. I went to another city to attend the University. There I met my first boyfriend. We were together for 3 years, and then we broke up because he had to move to another country (for good). I graduated at the age of 22, obtained my first Master's degree at the age of 24, and the second one at the age of 26. By then, I was together with my (now ex) husband. I gave birth to our first daughter at the age of 27. I also started my business in the same year. At the age of 33 I gave birth to the twins. When I was 38, my (now ex) husband abandoned us. Now I'm 42 and this year I'll marry my best friend (above mentioned).

I was never ever discriminated by any man. Men ADMIRE me because I am a hard-working mom. They don't envy, they don't talk shit about me behind my back. On the other hand, women in my neighborhood, my female relatives and girlfriends are still mean and envious. They're spreading lies about me. For instance, they claim that I don't earn as a translator, but as a hoe on OnlyFans or even a prostitute (suddenly I'm no longer ugly but very attractive and use my beauty to seduce men and take their money, lol). They claim that my ex husband abandoned me because I cheated him and earned money as a prostitute. At the same time they claim that I am extremely stupid, because I am not a feminist even though my ex husband was an AH (wow, they cannot even get their story straight, lol).

At the same time, they're still unmarried, divorced, abandoned, without children, in most cases unemployed or working for a minimum wage, they're miserable and desperate. Several times I told them that life is about choices we make, that there's something called accountability and responsibility for one's actions and choices. Several times I told them that there were great men out there but they rejected them constantly. Oh, they get really angry when I tell them that once they are 30+, they cannot expect to be married to a 30+ successful, rich, white-collar man, because such men now look for younger women.

These women are all feminists and bitter beyond measure. Now when they have high body count, when they should settle for what's available, when they must lower their criteria and realize that there's not much they can bring on the table, they're now feminists.

And I have it all... Yes, my ex is irresponsible and an addict, a true AH who abandons his own children, but I still have it all. My business, three great kids, my career, my family, a good man by my side, a good home, a few expensive bags and shoes, and I even dare to look younger! Well, sorry, gals, but low body count, family life, my life choices and everything else made me look 10 years younger than I actually am. Years of partying, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, one-night stands and irresponsible life are now visible on their faces, but not on mine. And that's not my fault.

Although my ex was an AH, I would never say that all men are irresponsible AHs. I have the greatest dad in the entire universe (and you can never prove me wrong about this). In school, the boys supported me, loved me, defended me and admired me. My brother is also a great guy and extremely supportive. My male colleagues and male clients, my male employees also admire me and respect me. My future husband is another greatest guy in the entire universe.

On the other hand, women are mean to other women. Women discriminate other women. They fell "endangered" by another woman! They have zero accountability and responsibility, and when the reality hits, they blame everyone else, but themselves, for their poor life choices. My entire life I was hated by other women! And never ever by any man!

Men are not afraid of a strong, independent woman. They actually respect a strong, independent woman and admire her. What the feminists fail to realize is the fact that the definition of a strong and independent woman is not what they think it is. Men don't discriminate women, women discriminate and hate other women, and they hate most every successful, independent woman who dares have everything they don't.

I don't even hate my ex husband. He was also a good guy before the addiction. He is sick, addiction is illness and I cannot hate him. Yes, I'm disappointed, mostly because my kids had a really hard time accepting that he was gone. But I don't hate him. We had several years of passionate love and great marriage, before the addiction. I still think that he should go to therapy, for his own sake. If he doesn't, he'll end up homeless and miserable. But that's not my call.

And I don't hate those women who abused me, discriminated me, ridiculed me and lied about me. I feel sorry for them.

Feminism is a lie. Men are not enemies to other men. Men are not enemies to women either. On the other hand, women are enemies to other women, and also to men. And the result of that hate is their miserable and bitter existence. I truly feel sorry for them.

We have a saying in my country: you'll reap what you sowed. The feminists are those who don't get this, because it's always someone else's fault... Patriarchy? Well, if it wasn't for patriarchy, I would never be supported, defended and admired by men. In matriarchy, I would be hated and ridiculed, exactly as I was, or even worse!