Approach anxiety is a major problem for most guys, the pandemic was a great time for hooking up - but almost everyone missed the opportunity. The guy hovering at the edge of the dance floor, avoiding her flirty gaze. How to get over this and get the girl? In this situation the girl is your object of desire.

Most of you like to keep your PLATE’s at a distance. For the guys with approach anxiety, hesitating to hit send or make the move – your issue is postponement. There is always another time, now is not the right time… The longer you wait the more you fantasize, only to have it destroyed when you get close. That perfect image in your head is gone and so is your enjoyment. If this sounds like you, I can guess that during sex you imagine yourself to be another man or that you are fucking a different woman. Getting too close to your desire is unbearable – so structures are created to keep it at a distance. You only want a woman around when she is wet and ready, seeing her under a blanket with period cramps ruins things. Approach anxiety (postponement) and distance are related.

Obviously this limits your experience of life itself, you are stuck in a world of fantasy. Overtime this turns you into a goofy goober who cannot relate to real life. We see these people all around us, they cannot get the girl or keep her. A self imposed double bind – you need to escape this. Evolutionary psychology is not enough, you must learn psychoanalysis.

I had the same issues myself, I spent more time talking about getting the girl than talking to them. All my dates were too brief, bouncing from venue to venue and keeping her at too great a distance. Naturally it cost me a lot of potential LTR’s as well as limiting the quality of my lays. Recognising that the image in my head was false brought me a sense of inner peace. Originally I had these thoughts that my PLATE’s enjoyed me too much, but that was based on false beliefs.

The freedom I felt after this fantasy was destroyed was immense. My postponement almost disappeared completely, at least when it came to women. Being able to take action without fear of being used as a fun dispenser was liberating for me. For me this step forward was the most important in my psychoanalytical journey and this is why you should take that first step. Without it I would still be a hesitating Beta