Hey guys,

(Tl;dr: what led me to my divorce decision, it's a long but interesting read.... )

Sit comfortably as I am about to unload the story of how I got to where I am now, the current situation is:

Me (M33) and my Wife (F33) and a recently turned (2F) daughter. We met in 2015 through a mutual friend, whilst I was on vacation in her home country.

I'd just got out of a LTR and had been spinning some plates but this girl kinda caught me. She was born and raised in a Eastern European country before moving to Graz and Vienna in Austria to work and send money back home to her family.

She was exceptionally hard working and seemed like my type of person, however due to poverty growing up had never seen the sea, set foot on a beach, or been anywhere other than her home country or a jaunt across the border into Austria for work as a waitress. She was making very good money at the time, and sending most to her family (who at the time had a alcoholic stepfather and a leech mother, plus 2 small boys at the time, one preteen the other teenage).

I myself was living and working in southern Spain, as I had been most my life, but due to my work, I could easily spend a couple of months in Vienna, getting to know her. When we met she spoke no English and we communicated through Google translate.

It was a beautiful time, sex was constant, I mean to the point where I felt like I couldn't physically give more due to exhaustion, the woman wouldn't even let me shower in peace, it was great!

I took her on her first vacation, took her to the beach, she saw the sea for the first time, flew on a plane for the first time, visited places she had only dreamed of, but all of which to me was completely normal and already seen. It was a pleasure to give her such memories and we seemed very good, but of course there was the occasional issues coming up.... But that's all relationships.

We lived in Spain for 2 years, but our relationship became strained, she even hit me one time when drunk.... I forgave her.... she struggled, or didn't try to learn Spanish, she couldn't drive, and I had to pretty much force her to start driving lessons and learn to drive, as our relationship couldn't work without it. I felt like I had to drive her around everywhere, she also felt as if she had no independence. So I said we could move back to her home country, where she could take her driving test in her language, with her people.... Which she did.

Due to a number of external factors, I said we could move back to her home country for a time, and we did, I worked remotely, and she, well she didn't work, we lived off my wages and she helped me with some of the administration work of my job, things were going well. I wasn't very happy in her country, it's a..... shithole, compared to western Europe and what I am used to. The people are unfriendly with foreigners, you can find blood on train platforms where people commit suicide, you never get a hello or goodbye, basically a polar opposite to the friendlyness of Spain.

It was 2019/2020 We had been together for 5 years and just turning 30 both of us, we weren't married, but we decided to have a child, so she stopped birth control, and before we knew it she was pregnant, then covid hit.....

Despite the little voices in my head, I married her during the pregnancy for extra security, in all senses of the word. Emotionally, and legally, if things ever went to shit, that I'd be ok.... Named on birth certificate, my name on our child, etc etc....

I paid for a private hospital for the birth of our child, multiple thousands of euros, as I was plainly aware that this country had the highest rates of infant mortality in Europe. I loved my wife and it wasn't a question, I also, due to covid, could only be present at birth in a private hospital, so we did that. Our baby girl was born with a extremely complicated delivery and emergency caeserean, but we had a happy and beautiful baby girl.

Since we moved back to her country, my wife no longer wanted to go to Spain, so I would travel for 1/2 weeks at a time to do my presential work in Spain, and would return and spend time with her, and rinse and repeat. I now realise that was a tremendous mistake....

I took my full paternity leave of 4 months when our child was born, but at 4 months I had to start returning to Spain to work occasionally, and this is when I realised that I couldn't do it, the seperation from my daughter and my wife became too much, I would be sleeping with the baby monitor on from 3000km away, crying, missing them both, knowing my daughter was growing.... And I wasn't there. I entered a depression, a very dark time in my life, I buried myself under work.

I begged my wife to join me in Spain, she refused.

I became a depressed mess, and almost destroyed my company. One time driving back to Spain, on a RoRo boat, I contemplated suicide. Looking out into the Mediterranean Sea on a ferry from Rome to Barcelona, was the closest I ever came to killing myself. I decided not to, for my daughter, if nothing else. That's where my wife drove me to.....

I asked first, then begged my wife to move back to Spain, but she wouldn't budge. I was the sole breadwinner so my obligation to go and work was non-negotiable (I should point out I own the company, I can't just get a new job in her homeland, and if I did, I wouldn't be on the 5000€ per month as currently, or even 1000€). I have debts to tend to, 3 loans, things that I brought into this relationship from building my business.

Time went by and it became unbareable for me. My daughter has never met my family, after 2 years, and my wife refuses to let me take her to Spain, and she continues breastfeeding just to make sure it's not possible for our daughter to be without her.

Eventually she said we could move back, once enough damage was done to our relationship, and I began moving, first all my stuff, but nothing of hers.... Every time there would be some excuse not to move. For example she wanted to do some courses for working with children, that had priority over our family being together.... But ok.... She got another 6 months here.... Then her teeth were bad, again months of dental work as she would only attend one specific dentist. Then summer would come when it was impossible to find rents in Spain, rinse and repeat, there was always a reason to not go.

It came to a head when I finally realised I could see my daughter more - and not have to pay for everything - if we were divorced. About 2 months ago I decided enough was enough.

I made the preparation, got the ball rolling with a lawyer, and with 7 hours to go until I signed the letter of engagement, a point of no return for me, I negotiated with my wife and we agreed to move, albeit to a different place in Spain, for a fresh start and a final attempt to save our marriage.

I put down a deposit on a beautiful villa, private swimming pool, huge house, a dream, and we were due to move in May or June this year.

But recently my wife has just been horrible to me, dare I say it, outright mistreating me.

We also had been nearly a year without sex. She made no effort to have any physical relationship with me, she would be more interested in watching Netflix and falling asleep on her side of the bed then hugging me and making love. She piled on the weight, whilst I stayed in shape (relatively).... But I still wanted her, and I still wanted her to want me, and I still wanted my family, and more children.

Bringing us to the most recent developments, I just caught covid. I'm fine, I was vaxxed for the 4th time 2 weeks prior so I have nothing more than a snotty nose. But when I took the test and told my wife, she made it all about her, that this fucks her plans up for the week, how could I catch covid, now she cannot do what she wanted to do, and in amazement I just said, seriously I am the one who just tested unwell and you making this all about yourself?

To avoid her or our two year old daughter catching it, I did my best to keep extremely hygienic, washed hands constantly, and told my wife I would sleep on the sofa until I tested negative. Which I did, and still am doing. I should point out we have a old dog with pancreatitis, who took a shit all over me and the sofa, but, that's not his fault, and not too instrumental to the story, but you can see how shit it is for me. I'm back for a 2 week visit, with covid and a wife who doesn't care, sleeping away from them, whilst getting shit on by our ill dog. It's not me at my best!

At 4am during the cleaning of the shitting episode, I made myself a tea, drank it, and before sleeping, I had a slight runny nose, so I grabbed a tissue, a single tissue, cleaned my nose and due to exhaustion / covid, popped it on the top of the mug ready to deal with in the morning, and fell asleep on the sofa.

Well when my wife came downstairs in the morning and saw that, I was the most disgusting thing on the planet.

Her words, not mine. Disgusting. I was amazed. I wasn't well, I only put a tissue in the mug. I knew the reaction would be the same if it was on the floor, sofa, or side table, I put it in the one place that already had my covid on it! For me that was the final straw.

We had a massive argument, for her calling me disgusting, and I called her out on all the disgusting stuff she does, period blood on the toilet seat, she eats chips of skin off her legs with her skin condition.... Her underwear is full of skid marks...(I do the washing sometimes, dishwashing almost always, I clean the house, hoover the house, etc)

Let's just say I didn't hold back.

I don't claim to be perfect but I'm a super hygienic guy. I piss sitting down. I'd never want my wife to clean up my piss. I wipe my ass with wetwipes (gamechanger, try it, I think I got the idea off reddit a decade ago) so to be called disgusting.... Was just unfathomably hurtful to me. I know other men. I am not other men, I am pretty much in the 1% of men who take care of themselves, shower daily, smell nice, wash thier hands after a piss, etc...

So that very morning after she called me disgusting, I contacted the lawyer, one month after I told her we were going to try one final time, and told her to restart the process. Only this time I won't tell my wife until she is served with the papers. There is no way back for this relationship now.

I feel awful, of course we have a daughter, but I keep telling myself it's the right thing to do for her. This way I can take her to Spain on my own, legally, to meet my family, and see another world that isn't this barren, ugly and unfriendly eastern European country. I have no idea how things will go but I've spent nearly 2 years already travelling backwards and forwards, missing 7 days, 14 days, 10 days, at a time with my daughter, so I think I am already more prepared than most of you, for the worst part, which is missing the child.....

So that's my story. Maybe I'll post an update in time but I can't wait until Tuesday and things start to move. I want to rent my own place here, have my daughter just to myself, and not have to deal or even see my wife more than absolutely necessary. I want to be in Spain and go to the beach with my daughter. I want my daughter to play with my brothers 3 year old. I want the best for her....

I read many posts here to get perspective. I had the signs years ago I should've left, but I didn't. I've caused tremendous damage to myself emotionally, and I had a child with the wrong woman. With the worst woman I could've. She's a good mother, but she doesn't have anyone, not even our daughter's best interest at heart, only herself.

Maximum strength and goodwill to all my fellow men fighting their battles. My advice?

DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. It makes you feel like shit afterwards, gives you a shitty body, and in no way helps you, if you drink. Have ONE beer. When you get out of the shit you are in, you'll wanna look good and feel good, so DON'T DRINK.

TAKE AS MANY PHOTOS AND VIDEOS OF YOUR CHILD AS YOU CAN. When the night comes and it gets lonely, look at your children. Enjoy them. You'll be with the kids again soon.

DO NOT SHOUT OR ARGUE WITH YOUR EX. You already know she's/he's a cunt. It's confirmed. You win no battles by shouting. Stay calm. It annoys them a 1000x more.

Good luck to you all, and be the best you can be, for your children's sake. I'm not saying hit the gym, but at least drink sugar free coke and improve your diet. Do a favour to future you. Look after yourself as you deserve to be looked after, and stay strong. Do it for your children. If not for yourself.