Hey everyone.

When I was 15 I fell in love with someone after a series of multiple hardships in my life. Between the ages of 13 to 15 I had struggled immensely with identity, entering high school trying to navigate making friends, some troubles at home, etc. it only got progressively worse in the first few months of being 15 I had a series of mental health episodes that led me to the hospital and I got into a car collision with my mother, that killed her (she was only 32). I felt so lost in the world and then I met someone at my high school and built what I thought would be a lasting relationship between the two of us. We started dating, she helped me escape the hell my world felt like at home with the grief of my mothers death, she quickly became my world. We dated three of our four years of high school, we enrolled at the same college together, lived together for five years, we even got engaged and married. Life seemed well, sure there was some faults, we were young (we both still are) but I felt at least I had a grasp of who I was. We got married two years and I made a really big decision to move across the United States with her to be closer to her family that was in the process of moving for new opportunities. I only made it a year out there. Within six months, she completely changed to the person I knew for the 7 years before, it felt like she was drifting from me, eventually it culminated in her cheating, and us divorcing after I tried to revive our relationship as long as I could. I left my job and future prospects, I let her take over our lease, she kept all of our furniture, she kept our dog, she basically had it all and I moved 2,000 miles back home. We’ve been divorced for 8 or 9 months now and I’ve gone through hell. After our divorce my therapy sessions started involving what went wrong with us and I’ve spent nearly a year now grieving how different my life feels without her. There’s been some good moments but yet I feel so stuck and lost without her, we were together 1/3 of my life and I always wondered if she’s been hurting as much as I have. Today, I found out that she’s not only been in a relationship already, but nearly 4 months pregnant already, when we had been trying to have a baby for almost two years. I feel so heartbroken again, so empty, so alone, I can’t meet people no matter how hard I have tried to be a more social and open person, and it seems for her she’s moved on so quickly, like I am just a ghost. I feel sick. I’ve tried so hard not to spend my life ruminating about who we used to be, but I am scared to always be like this, stuck on that somebody that I used to know….

I’m just looking for any form of advice, words, wisdom, for someone that can understand and point me towards something inspiring or a way to find hope about life again.

This is Reddit I won’t give my whole life away, but to be honest this pain and my mental health past are making this world feel so bleak and hopeless.