Hey, all, new here.

Back in December my partner, and I separated legally. We were not technically married, but did have a ceremony actually just back in the fall of 2022. I live with OCD and through lots of therapy after the separation I’ve come to realize that I was experiencing relationship OCD and my compulsion was to end the relationship. I couldn’t see it happening at the time unfortunately and if I had, I would’ve immediately seeked therapy.

My ex partner was very blindsided and upset naturally, and it escalated very quickly to her involving lawyers. Our house is sold and she wound up with both dogs.

I have since spent a lot of time, assessing some of my behaviour in the relationship that was less than ideal and come to learn that I have an avoidant attachment style on top of mental health issues.

Honestly, I thought after about six months it would be a little bit easier, but every single day is an uphill battle and I’m basically just going through the motions until I can get to the evening where I can have a couple drinks and smoke some weed and try not to think about it too much.

She initiated no contact, so I don’t think there’s an option for me to reach out other than maybe by sending a letter but I really feel like I lost my soulmate and the love of my life here and the future seems really bleak.

Because of the housing market, I wound up renting my parents basement for the time being where I can work and live I feel pretty heavy shame about that.

I’m still working and participating in activities. I enjoy even though they don’t really bring me much joy and I’m also reaching out to friends and leaning on them a lot

I would give the world to turn back time and be able to see what was actually happening for what it was because how they caught it. I don’t think I’d be in this position.

I know it’s pretty out there, but just looking for some advice or maybe some thing that can give me some hope.