I don't understand what is wrong with me but I am super anxious about committing to my boyfriend. He's told me point blank he wants to marry me and it just makes me panic. I don't know why the hell I am like this really just deep down inside I wonder if we are right for each other?

Before him I was in a relationship for 7 years and we got engaged. I was very young when the relationship started and was engaged at 21. That relationship didn't work out. During that time due I went through some seriously bad trauma in which I nearly lost my life, I still live with the physical and mental effects to this day. My ex partner turned into an alcoholic to cope with what happened me/us and started to be borderline violent so I left. But I really loved him for many years, just not at the end. But I think it has ruined me and now I am scared to commit to my now boyfriend. I am scared of failure due to past failures.

My boyfriend treats me like a princess and is the kindest soul. He is so smart and we connect very well on an emotional level. But I just don't feel all that happy. In fact I feel depressed all the time. There is nothing wrong with him at all, in fact he is the best person I've been with. The only problem is that we struggle for money alot and it stresses me out, this will improve when he is finished his study. I also feel lack of attraction for him. Sometimes I think he looks good but it isn't very often and this bothers me. I don't expect fireworks but I do want a bit more than we have? Other than these two things he is perfect. I have a therapist and I am trying to work on my mental health but it is not working. I constantly feel panicked when I have to think about marriage. And the depression is bad, I don't feel joy in what I used to, I'm eating bad food to make myself feel better and every night I want to drink a bottle of wine (never do, but the urge is there).

I am 28, nearly 29 and I want kids. This is important to me. I worry I am running out of time. But I am SO scared to get married and commit. I want to choose the right life partner but I get scared, you know? But I think I am scared for no good reason.

We have been together for 2 years, 1 year long distance, 1 year in the same place living together. We were friends for 5 years before getting into a relationship.

If anyone has advice I'd really appreciate it. When you got married were you worried? I heard that if you aren't certain you shouldn't do it. But I'm not sure I will ever be certain.... with anyone.

*Edited to ad: therapy is not helping because my therapists attitude is not to stress so much about it. Apparently the only thing that is forever is kids. Which is complete bullshit and bad advice.