Starting the Big D. Need any insights you guys might have.

63daddy · 2023-06-15T20:32:31+00:00

I’ve never been divorced but have seen many of my friends do so. You are talking to a lawyer which is key. I’ve seen too many guys get screwed over by trying to be too nice or too trusting. Women are already advantaged by the system. Don’t compound that. Get a good lawyer and listen to their advice.

Related, laws vary by state. Your lawyer will know what is practical to go for in your state.

NAWALT_VADER · 2023-06-16T01:59:01+00:00

She took the kids..? That is kidnapping. She isn't allowed to do that.

I divorced this time last year. I was in a very similar situation as you. I was the stay at home parent, taking care of our two daughters since the first was born, until the youngest was ready for school full time. Then, I started a business.

You should be able to easily get 50/50 custody, especially since you were the one raising them as the primary parent already. I have 50/50 custody of my kids. They live with me alternate weeks. I wanted full custody, but was told by my lawyer that it would cost upwards of $100k in the courts and would not guarantee I win. My ex now pays me monthly child support. She also paid me a large lump sum for spousal support. I will also receive a large portion of her pension when I retire. Be sure to fight for everything.

My divorce cost me over $30k. In the end, we had to sell our house. I had to sell my business. We split all the money from those two properties equally. Now, I am starting over. I managed to get a new condo, and a new job. Life goes on.

After a year, it still feels weird only having the kids with me every second week, but we are all getting used to it. They adjusted very well. I'm admittedly still in a bit of a funk, working my way back to where I was slowly. At least now there is peace and quiet.

Automatic-Choice-508 · 2023-06-16T02:47:34+00:00

Do NOT move out - possession matters, especially when you go for custody

Get an order of protection against her violent ways

File police reports to document her threats

Get your finances together and get all documents about hers

Put a hold on your credit

Hire an excellent attorney

Do not date or be found with another woman

Be prepared that your wife is fucking someone else, that is likely why she is acting the way she is and willing to leave the house

Hire a PI to verify the above and use it for your advantage

Continue to work out

Continue to see your kids

Continue to work

Never be alone with her make sure you have witnesses

Go after your LAWFULLY allowed amount of Child support

Go after your LAWFULLY allowed amount of spousal support

Good luck...You will need it

etorres526 · 2023-06-16T02:56:11+00:00

You’re paying your lawyer, listen to them. Secure your finances you can be generous without a court order, after the fact. LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER

imperator285 · 2023-06-16T00:43:52+00:00

Protect your financial future as much as possible. It's unlikely the court is going to do anything to help you. Sell as many joint assets as possible, and stash the money away with crypto. DM me for more info on how to do so.

lewandisney69 · 2023-06-16T05:10:06+00:00

Just comes to show how women will leave you if they start earning more than you. Women are fucked. Fucked because they are projected to out earn men in the future. Most 30s women will be single.

Snoo-75532 · 2023-06-16T12:37:32+00:00

Be nice and get a lawyer. Be nice, super nice, in all your communications with her. Ned Flanders nice.

Removing your parental rights is really difficult. She would have to prove that you are basically a POS who should not be trusted with children.

Get a set schedule of holidays and events that you want to have with the kids.

I can't stress enough be nice. People screw themselves up by being mean and nasty because they are hurting. Your children will see you and remember the good and the bad. Your ex will try to make you the bad guy, but It's really hard to do if you're super nice all the time

franciscolorado · 2023-06-15T21:03:53+00:00

If you haven’t been to counseling give it a shot, there could be something that the other needs to hear. A good counselor can help with that.

Try a physical separation, maybe it’s so heated that you both need to just take a break. Maybe this is a month, or six months, or a year . In my state this can be very informal, or very documented (with a separation agreement that will eventually become the basis for your divorce agreement).

Divorces are expensive and nobody really wins. If it’s not (yet) adversarial, definitely try mediation just to see where it goes. Your state may mandate you try mediation first.

Consult a lawyer always, first hour is usually free so make use of it. Do as much research beforehand specific to your state.

In my state, joint custody is the default barring any domestic or sexual abuse in front of or including the children. And nobody is moving (the children) too far away , now or forever unless the both of you agree. Alimony is granted to the lesser earning spouse, and some states limit this to a number of years based on how long you’re married. The amount of alimony is formulaic, and with an mba your spouse could argue that you have unrealized potential earnings.

My spouse and I have done all the above but still managed to stay together.

Title	Starting the Big D. Need any insights you guys might have.
Author	forgivemyrebellion
Upvotes	25
Comments	15
Date	June 15, 2023 8:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14ac51a/starting_the_big_d_need_any_insights_you_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/starting-the-big-d-need-any-insights-you-guys.1222497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222497

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