I wrote a post Men's survival guide to marriage after discussions with my friend lets call him Dave. Dave went through a very nasty divorce and he came out thriving from the other side. We had a discussion of what he could have done better or what could he have done to mitigate the fallout of his divorce and that I compiled in the post. But I would like to share story of how he not only survived but also came out stronger.

In 2010 at age of 38 Dave's wife of 10 years decided that she doesn't like him anymore and wants a divorce. But she was a SAHM and ofcourse she "sacrificed" her "career potential" for him so she wants alimony and CS and full custody. And to do that she false accused him of abuse and got a protection order against him.

Now he was sitting in motel room confused and scared. He tried to fight the protection order and even his lawyer called it a made up nonsense. But it was taking up months in court an racking him $$ and at the same time he had to also pay the mortgage of house along with temporary support and alimony. He was burning his savings.

So he made a decision, he will give up custody and parental rights, because even if he won 50/50 he still would have to pay half of CS he had to pay if he has zero custody and had to also take up expenses of when kids were staying with him (like paying rent or mortgage on 3 bedroom apartment etc). He made a deal to get his retirement in return of equity of house(since his kids were staying there anyway) and alimony for 5 years standard in the state. Now that ate up 75% of his net income. He made like 150k after benefits but was left at the end with like 25k.

Now supposedly he fought for custody, he would have to pay upward of 100k in lawyer fees and even after that he still would have to pay alimony and amount he saved in CS will be less than the rent that he had to pay to house his kids when they would be with him. He wanted supervised visitation for like twice a month but she wouldn't lift protection order so he decided not to fight it and moved on.

He decided to live in his car and got 24/7 gym membership to save up on rent and he used to eat in soup kitchens (not for free as he felt too guilty so he volunteered on weekends) and sometimes order takeout. He mostly slept in his office, and slept in his car during weekends. Showered and shaved at the gym. He did it for like 5 years until he had to pay alimony payments. He made over 150k and he was virtually homeless. But CS and alimony have to be paid on time and he had to work with what he got.

After 5 years he had like 95k saved up so he found an nice two bedroom apartment and took up mortgage on it and got himself a roommate to whom he rented one room for cheap. Just enough to pay for mortgage as any profit would have to be counted in income and increased CS. But finally he had a roof over his head essentially for free.

He wanted to date again and have a relationship again after 5 years with a good woman so he decided to get ripped, he still had the gym membership which he only used for shower, he decided to build a nice body.

For past 7 years he has saved a upward of 200k by basically not spending on anything, he has a house partially paid off just by rent, He got himself a vasectomy which he calls best investment he has ever made, He has a ltr for about 3 years with a nice girl. He loves her and she loves him no marriage needed. He has got visible abs too.

He didn't speak to his children for like 10 years and he has stopped missing them and crying after them. He says that memories life before divorce seems like a movie now. His daughter eldest of the two reached out of him and he just explained to he truthfully what happened, they have formed relationship as friends as opposed to father/daughter. He hopes to do that with his son as well.

Only thing left for him is 2 years of Child Support that he has to pay for his youngest. After that his gf and him have plans to retire and travel the world and finally settle down in an Asian country where they can have a luxurious retirement with money they have.

Regarding his ex-wife, she didn't remarry, not for lack of trying. As his daughter told him. There were many frogs that she "kissed" but none manifested as a prince. Truth is she was middle aged, single mother of 2 children without any career prospects who lived on alimony and child support. No sane man would have put ring on her finger. She is selling their home to get some money as CS payments are coming to an end. The damage to children is done, they have been raised in broken home with a bad mother and suffered neglect from a mother that finally figured out that there are not many options for a 40 years old woman in marriage market. She freaked out and spent her time trying to find another man instead of parenting their children for which she was paid generous amount of CS. Their children's grade went off the hill and his daughter had to enroll in military instead of going to college because her grade were so bad. She used to be very bright. Their son will likely follow the same path.

Dave's ex-wife destroyed not only her husbands life but also destroyed bright future that their children could have had.

Many people said that I have been too cynical in my previous posts but you have to understand Dave could not protect his children, he had to make a choice to sacrifice his life fighting a battle that he would most likely loose or even if he won pay enormous price for just trying to be a good father. He chose himself hoping that even wife who could take away father from their children may be able to give their children decent life if he would just give her what she wants.

You need to protect yourself first if you want to protect your children. Get a Prenup and No SAHM please. or better yet don't get married.

​