There's nothing new here, I just wanted to put some notes out there to solidify some lessons I've learned while being here...

Background

6'1, 204lb, 1000+ total. Nuked 18 months ago after 2 years of MRP, down from 240lb and sidebar + OYS.

The desire and respect were too far gone. Emotional cheating at a minimum. Dread, STFU, cutting, lifting, NMMNG/WISNIFG all made things worse. I held on too long for my daughter, equity and lack of self belief that I could upgrade from a shitty situation. I at least had a sparring partner while I became less of a fat cunt.

I’m a stubborn cunt that needs to be told something 20x or learn from maximum pain. But here’s a few lessons I’ve learned the hard way and thanks to this place:

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Lift

Nothing to expand on, it's a MRP/TRP broken record for a reason. More important than anything.

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Action above everything

Another broken record. I don’t have a different spin on it, but it’s all that made a difference in fixing myself and my dating life after years of fault finding and not taking massive action.

If I have 4 hours to cut down a tree, I'll spend an hour sharpening the axe. Not 4 hours sharpening the axe and end up with no wood.

Don't dwell on things like your wife, the concept of frame, how shit your life is. STFU and OYS on what you've done (or not done) and leave your ego wide open to getting destroyed for the mistakes you've made and your huge blind spots.

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If she wants to fuck you, she’ll make it easy for you.

I worried about my body fat %, game, first dates, logistics, if the girl liked me, etc. just like I tried to negotiate desire with my wife for years. In reality it doesn’t fucking matter that much, u/Visual_Cable_1067 put it perfectly:

F-closing hot, exotic early 20yos within mere days just requires you do some approaches and let things unfold. No perfection required. When a girl wants you to succeed you can get away with a lot of stupid shit.

I was overthinking, hungover, dressed terribly, no pickup lines or an indirect excuse to approach. Success came from simply grabbing my balls and putting one foot in front of the other.

A "fuck it" moment going for what I want, with plenty of mistakes and a messy date, and now I have a girl that crawls on all fours to please me for nothing in return. Pays for shit and inconveniences herself to simply get fucked then sent home. An absolute shit testing machine, but it's laughable and cute compared to what I dealt with in my marriage.

She will likely fall off at some point without further commitment, but I have another regular girl and the confidence that I can source more when I need to.

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There is no instruction manual for life and failure (but not really failure) is an option

I held onto HOA's posts and MRP success stories and turning my marriage around for a long time. I took the instructions to the extreme, got down to 185lbs with a 1200 total. Sidebar over and over again until I finally said fuck it.

I'm glad I did those things and can say I tried. Most of all though, I had to learn to think for myself. There is no instruction manual or sidebar piece that can help. I even had a few ridiculous emotional outbursts after realising I was making life so hard for myself. Letting go of old facets of my personality, grieving my previous self and paving the way for a much simpler life with less obstacles. This one is a bit gay and I couldn't really put it into words.

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Put divorce first (if YOU decide on it)

A MRP broken record for a reason. This shit is already exhausting and time consuming without maximising your effort. Avoiding it, getting distracted by new pussy, all dragged it out longer than necessary.

Don't be me. I'm still not done with it, but there is no thing as "divorce rape", I'll be much better off in 2 years than I ever was. Sidebar divorce strategy helps.

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Wife Goggles/Oneitis

I took a snapshot of my wife when she was early-20s and objectively hot, eager to please, great sex, best blowjob I'd ever had, etc. and kept that same opinion of her for 10 years. It took a lot of pain to slap the wife goggles off my face.

Then every other girl I banged post-separation, suddenly became the hottest girl and the best sex I've had. It took a few lays and OYS to realise the pattern. It’s just pussy.

She isn't the hottest girl in the world, and the sex isn't the best you'll ever get. You just don't have other options and therefore romanticize her.

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Kids

I don't know if any trauma or issues will arise later (probably, all kids go through "trauma" - even ones growing up in rich nuclear families?) But I'll be much more poised to deal with it as my own man chasing my goals and vision. My daughter had an early life lesson that things can get shit sometimes.

It got easier over time when I ignored external input from STBX and looked at the actual results. I made sure my daughter's needs were met and tried to attain the input/contact I wanted. Everything I was directly in control of.

They'll be fine. Or maybe not.

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I still have plenty of gaping weaknesses and blind spots. I still can't walk past a fucking bakery without buying a croissant even though I'm trying to cut back down to 185. The journey is never over.

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