I've joined the party!

Defiant_Hornet3355 · 2023-08-24T02:21:38+00:00

NJ is one of the worst states in this country to get divorced in if you are the higher earner. If you can play a really long game, convince her to move to another state before she gets any idea that you’re thinking of divorce. Here’s why…

After 13 years of marriage, you’re going to end up paying her alimony for about 75% of the time you were married. So 9-10 years. It will be about 25% of the difference in your incomes, including your bonuses. They’ll look at your income for the last 3 years and average it. So if you made an average of 235k and she made 28k, you’re paying her ~51k a year just in alimony for the next 9-10 years. Child support will go until the kids are 22 if they go to college, and yes you will have to pay significant child support even if you have 50/50 custody.

In regard to her alcoholism, unless it’s led to criminal convictions or something terribly egregious (documented child abuse, drunk driving with kids in car, etc) the courts will not care at all when it comes to alimony. Maybe for custody, but don’t get your hopes up there. The courts will bend over backwards to keep custody at 50/50. Even when crimes are committed or a parent has a documented psychotic break, the courts try and find a path back to 50/50.

Say goodbye to half of your assets too, unless there was a prenup. If her name’s on the deed for the house, if shes contributed to the mortgage, or if you bought the house after you were married…half of that house is hers. Half of your retirement accounts are hers. Half of your savings, half of your investment portfolio, do you see where I’m going with this?

After you file, the court will say that you’re still responsible for paying all of the bills and maintaining the marital lifestyle while the divorce is pending. They will also assign you a temporary amount of support to pay her every month. She can drag her feet and continue to keep the divorce pending for 3+ years before you have any hope of being granted a trial date, and that’s if you are in a county where there isn’t a temporary moratorium on divorce trials. For the cherry on top, you also may be court ordered to pay some or all of her attorney fees due to your steep income discrepancy. She will be able to run up the bill for her attorney and for your attorney, and then send that bill right to you.

So if you can find any way to make it happen, for the love of God move out of New Jersey and settle in somewhere else before you begin the divorce process. This state will financially ruin you for the next 10-15 years of your life because you were the higher earner. Good luck.

BosPatriot71 · 2023-08-24T11:45:34+00:00

Divorcing an alcoholic in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, it’s absolutely nothing to stand on, even with two DUIs (7 years ago back to back) on her record. Unless you can show abuse or neglect (tough to prove), you’re probably in the same boat. Our kids are grown and flown.

Her drinking worsened last year, hence me filing after her unwillingness to get help.

However, my attorney has said if she does something like get fired from work, have another DUI, or something else that’s costly, I can bring her back to court to lessen spousal support on grounds that I’m not subsidizing her addiction.

Good luck, bro. Better days ahead.

Educational_South_65 · 2023-08-24T19:39:32+00:00

How did you find out she was sexting?

Title	I've joined the party!
Author	syphon229
Upvotes	5
Comments	13
Date	August 24, 2023 1:56 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15zo49i/ive_joined_the_party/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ive-joined-the-party.1229574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229574

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