Can’t explain it all

Finally saw new social worker

Can’t explain it all so if you ve read my posts been making here for I think 2 years now, you know I’ve been in the psych system since I was toddler for autism & abuse and my mom controlled everything, she lied & forced me to lie, etc… and that I also had abusive psychs as a kid who were friends with my abusers

Well I learnt meeting my new social worker ,an abusive psych I saw when I was 16 that was friendly with my abusive mom & sister , put down a dangerous disorder I was never diagnosed with and don’t fit criteria of with on my case file. And that’s been causing stigma with how my workers have been treating me , why they didn’t believe my family’s abusive, and why it took so long for a new case manager/help because nobody wants to work with someone who has that on their file, and why why I had to move to this new city. Ffs you have no idea how mad I am and scared I’m scared shitless and mad as fuck. So I’ve been doing nothing but straight days working on compiling evidence I have like 34 pages to print. Sweet homeless shelter guy is going to print them for me. + more I’m not printing like audio recordings and video. Show him so I can get this shit off my file so they’ll actually help me and get me away from my family

And now my mom is using threat of me being on the streets / dead in October to force me to give consent for my mom & my new workers here to talk, which she’s going to use to lie & sabotage my escape & attempt at getting help AGAIN LIKE ALWAYS. I can’t do that anymore I can’t keep giving in to her threats using my retardedness/need for help to force me into giving her consent to fuck up my life more

But I can’t do it on my own So I’m so stresst

I contact social worker asking if he can make appointment sooner (right now it’s in October) so I can show him everything. But his office is closed until Monday. I’m scared as fuck dread waiting if he’s going to see me sooner and even if he did is he going to believe me? I’m so stresst I want to smash my head against the wall. My moms a fucking demon