Closure is sometimes worse…

techrmd3 · 2023-10-01T16:47:02+00:00

>>I FINALLY have statements from someone who was a mutual friend and it makes me feel MUCH worse and now I realize she most likely hates me due to a total mix-up and confusion.

Ok First realize that your ex was probably a certified POS and deserves all the ire you feel for her.

Second even the Devil himself has "reasons" for doing reprehensible things. You ex has "reasons" I would say really untrue "excuses" to be the evil person she is acting as. People don't want to be thought of as the bad guy, so they invent things from people who are not around to make their actions look acceptable.

It happens all the time in divorce.

Stop listening to stories that most likely are fantasies by a troubled woman who has an unclear understanding of your relationship. Hold to yourself and what you remember... and realize that she may be mentally compromised preventing her from remembering correctly.

Brown33470 · 2023-10-01T16:31:47+00:00

It’s called the silver bullet!

henrysmyagent · 2023-10-02T05:57:04+00:00

Don't believe one single word of the self-serving crap women tell people to justify their shitty selfish actions.

She lied to her friend and she would lie to you if you met face to face

If the problem could have been solved with a conversation, then she us too immature for an adult relationship

The restraining order is to protect her from having that conversation with you, and to paint you as the bad guy.

Tell EVERYONE what she did. If you do not tell the truth about her, then she will surely continue lie about you.

TheBoyBand · 2023-10-02T04:19:18+00:00

Closure was the way she left, those mutual friends aren’t your friends now stirring shit up THREE years later, I say it in the kindest way possible… MOVE.TF.ON

Edit: find new friends

PalmD5_P · 2023-10-02T09:26:20+00:00

As you said, we don't know the details or the full story but even if she saw the most troubling someone can ever thinkof on you laptop, it cant make any excuses to disappear thisway, a normal perhaps caring person would have asked and looks to understand the fact. I would not believe a statement she fleed because she saw something on a laptop. She might be telling such a story for others to justify her acts, but imo there is no way a normal spouse would run away because of laptop discovery. There is something else

Gattsama · 2023-10-02T15:45:46+00:00

You still don't have closure because you will never know what her thoughts are/were. The real lesson to learn here is that you need to accept that she chose to end the marriage. The reason doesn't matter. She didn't want to continue, so she chose to quit. You will never know why. And more importantly, you should not care.

Your goal should be indifference. True closure is when you no longer care about why. Judge her actions, not her motives. Her actions tell you she wanted to end the marriage. Her actions tell you she didn't want to talk to you. Her actions show she doesn't want to talk to you now. It doesn't matter why!

Make believe time: she saw kiddie p@rn on your laptop and decided you are a monster and quit. OR she was having an affair, felt guilty about it, just lied to anyway that she found that to make herself look virtuous and you like a monster. OR she was planning to leave for months or years, and any excuse no matter how small got blown out of proportion so she could finally exit 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

We can make up shit like this all day. And it's a pointless exercise. We will never know. Even if she was willing to sit down and talk, you couldn't trust or believe her.

She is still renting space for free in your head. You are still attached to her. I know this sucks, but real closure is when you close your self and mind to her. Release and let go. She's just someone that you used to know.

Nothing good will come from trying to understand her. Nothing good will come from trying to communicate with her. Maybe she thinks something that is untrue, maybe not. It no longer affects you, she's the ex. You need to create your own life and new life. Past attachments are weights around your neck dragging you down. The only person keeping those chains supported is you. You can drop them. You can untether yourself from her and the marriage.

I am sorry you went through the drama and BS. I am sorry she blew up the marriage. You will never know why, but you don't need to know why. Just that she chose too. Now you need to focus on what you can choose and you can control.

Wishing you peace brother...

Title	Closure is sometimes worse…
Author	FlyingSaucer51
Upvotes	4
Comments	7
Date	October 1, 2023 4:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16x5gcg/closure_is_sometimes_worse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/closure-is-sometimes-worse.1233665 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233665

Comments