We have a 3 year old. Married 7 years.
Our marriage was good and after our son was born my wife was diagnosed with mild depression and since then things have gotten worse and worse.
She gets very anxious about our son's health and won't agree a set of rules we can both follow, I've been told more than once that the rules are based on how she feels. She refuses to sleep train him so night times are a nightmare. I have checked many times with other people and I am confident that I am an involved and helpful dad, but my wife refuses to do any more housework than loading and unloading the washing machine so I have to clean the house on my own. My wife often says I am "controlling" if I express an opinion, so for example she usually forgets to shut baby gates, if I ask her to remember because I've found one open, or if she says she wants to buy something expensive like a brand new SUV and I say I'm not down for buying it, she might say "oh gosh, you're so controlling", I hate the word because it sounds abusive but I have checked and I am pretty sure I am not controlling.
I've lost my temper a few times already and shouted in front of my son, so I have spent the last year spending a lot of money on a councillor; my wife refuses to do couples therapy (she says it's all a me problem) but things have not really got that much better.
I do keep trying, so we have bought a much bigger and nicer house together that's currently being built, which I was hoping might relieve some of the stresses we've been experiencing (house is on a hill, steps up to the front door, not modern so can be draughty (she gets really anxious about the cold making our son sick).
Last month my wife got made redundant; this was OK and we had talked about it, but we had agreed my wife would look for other work and I have found out that she hasn't done anything so it's been more than a month and she still doesn't know what she wants to do. I'm not fussed that she's been made redundant, but I am fussed that this is the fourth time she's been fired or made redundant, and each time she's had no plan and I generally find she takes everyone's advice but mine.
So maybe this isn't a big deal, but it feels like it's just too much and I've checked out.
I have good days and we go out together, but some days I just don't really want to have to see her or talk to her. I'll spend time with my son but I just don't make small talk with her. I did have one day where I really just didn't want to talk which led to an argument; I told her more than one that I really needed to be left alone and as she followed me around the house she got angrier and angrier. She told me that giving somebody the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, although I have checked and it's only emotional abuse if you do it repeatedly in order to control the other person? Whereas I think I just felt really sad.
I had crunched the numbers and I know I can afford the new house on my income alone. I can't afford the therapist anymore if I pay for the house and my unemployed wife and childcare, so I have cancelled my appointments, but if I jiggle the numbers around I know I can afford the house comfortably (as long as I don't plan on going on holiday) and I am certain I have a big pay rise coming next year so I know that soon enough my lifestyle might be the same.
At the same time I don't want to divorce because I don't want to ruin anything for my son and I don't want to go through the mess and the hassle and the pain. I have considered trying to speak to a solicitor to understand what I would have to do in order to get a divorce and what a divorce may mean for me financially speaking.
Any thoughts or advice?