"What's mine is mine, what's yours is ours" appears to be the general rule. Recently I had a big victory in that my 10 year old daughter moved from living with my ex-partner to now be living with me. My other child still lives with my ex, and I am paying lifetime maintenance (alimony) to her as well. When I told my friends, two of their wives started (loudly) debating how much of my salary I should be paying to my ex given the change in circumstances. Why is what I do with MY money any of their business? It's my money, my children and my ex - butt out!

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I wouldn't dream of telling the first one to spend less money on shoes and more on paying off her $50k student debt so that her husband doesn't have to subsidise her in retirement. Or telling the other she should give up her low paying freelance work and take a better paying regular job so that her partner doesn't have to pay all the mortgage himself.

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A friend of mine has a similar experience. He's a well paid bachelor who is with various "masculine" interests such as bikes and vintage tech. He's bought and renovated a large house into a very masculine space, with separate rooms for all of the things he is interested in. My male friends and I love going to visit, but his house really upsets many of the women in our group. They can't stand to see a successful man spending his money on himself rather than marrying one of their single, childless friends and supporting them to have children. They keeping making comments like, "what a waste" and that the house needs a "female touch".

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Most frustrating of all is that society in general accepts this double standard. That the role of men is to financially support women, and any man that doesn't is failing in his duty. However when the tables are reversed - e.g. a high paying woman marries down, then the man needs to support himself.

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