I wanted to leave this here for any of you that need a reminder or quick guide to how to discern whether a cheating partner (EA/PA/or otherwise betrayed) feels genuine remorse. Perhaps it will help you stop second guessing whether you’re making the right choice to leave.

For me, understanding exactly where my stbx’s head is (not at all remorseful) going into the final conversation gives me motivation to keep the process and difficult conversation moving toward finality…

I hope these quick notes, taken from Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life (read/listen to it if you have not) help when you’re second guessing your decision to leave.

Real Remorse should tic all of the following boxes:

Ownership… wears the remorse and any associated shame, does not blame shift.

Humility… owns it. Doesn’t deflect to partner’s shortcomings but instead listens and tries to understand any pain they have caused.

Initiative…. Does the homework, buys the (self help) books, reads the books. Proactively attempts to change.

Honesty… doesn’t lie!

Patience… doesn’t say “get over it already” or “I’m always walking on eggshells” or “can we just move on?”. They will give you space and time to reflect and heal.