Hey guys, I need some advice. My wife left me on new years. She said I was emotionally abusive and constantly brought up things from the past after I’ve already apologized time and time again over time and was accountable. She says she’s still in love with me and still loves me but wants a divorce. When I ask her, if she’s talking to someone else or seeing anybody she says no, that I’m crazy to think that after dealing with so much pain with me. She’s very short with me on text now and put up a lot of boundaries. I can’t ask her about anything of her except for our two kids. It has stay about our kids. She says she has never cheated on me and that I have been the only one in her life. That its always been about me. She started wearing make up and never wore make up with me unless it was a very special day like our wedding or bridal shower, baby shower, birthday or something. Not even when we would go out. She did when we dated. We got married last year in may and we were together since 420 2017. It’s my second marriage, the last one ended in 2014. The last one ended in my ex having an affair. With my current wife now, when we started dating and hooking up, I told her I just wanted her as a friend solely bc I didn’t think I was the only one she was seeing. I was dating other girls too while hooking up with her. I broke up with her briefly and hooked up with some other girl once, and then we got back together. She was very hurt after I told her the truth. I come to find out that she would go drinking with different guy coworker including an email with her manager talking about nuggets and beer and her always being available for that. My gut instinct knew I was not the only one but it seemed very unprofessional of her having those types of emails with a married manager. She denied ever being with anyone else other than me during the entirety of us knowing each other. I don’t believe it. I asked her very specific questions and she would deflect back on to me and she would say that nothing ever happened with anyone.. basically throughout our relationship, I did not trust her yet I was feeling like it came from my ex having an affair and me not healing from that. I never did therapy or anything like that up until after my current wife and i were married bc my distrust was causing issues in our relationship. She always said how it was me not fully trusting her bc of the wound that I have. Idk about you guys but I don’t believe in my girl having guy friends. I don’t believe that at all, yet she always believed it was okay, but she would stop talking to her guy friends for me. Something always told me she didn’t and idk if that’s just me having a betrayal wound. She always very consistent with her answers about not being with anyone but me. She was always very private with her phone and protected her boundaries of that. She would get mad when she caught me looking through her phone and her excuse is that I didn’t trust her and that it was about the action of not believing her and looking through her phone in a sneaky way. When she was young she was SA and had some trauma from that where whenever I wanted to have sex with her, I always had to build her up to it, but it wasn’t like that when we met. A lot of the times we would have conversation and then do it. She said it was easy for her then bc we always had deeper conversations and connection, and that it was bc she really liked me. She’s always saying that a girl lets a guy in when she really likes them and she would explain why she liked me so much that she would let me in. It seemed from those emails that she liked her married manager if you ask me. So while we were serious about our relationship in 2017 she was having drinks with coworkers and then she would come to me at the end of the day. I was always very skeptical about that. She made me feel like an asshole for breaking up with her to go be with someone else but she was having drinks with coworkers while saying I was the only one. She was flirting with her manager.. but still denies something ever happening. Anyway fast forward into our engagement, she was working in GSOC so she would work 12 hours a day and during those shifts there were times where I could not get ahold of her. I was in security too and I know how it worked. It can be pretty static sometimes. I had her gps on my phone and sometimes it would appear away from her location during the times when she was not reachable.. she ended up getting really mad at me for checking her and asking questions. Later I saw that she hid a friend request on Facebook with someone I felt like was a red flag. A previous go worker of hers that she was working with at this new site. Why would she hide that information. She denied ever talking with him but the day I met him he called me by my nickname. I saw that as a very suspicious if she didn’t talk to him. We got into a lot of fights over that mistrust. She hates being touched and has always told me she would not allow someone to get close to her. She always said it was my wound not being healed from my last marriage and that she’s not the type of girl who I make her out to be. Idk what to think anymore and I’m in therapy now. I grew up without my father in my life and witnessed him cheating and beating my mom so I always knew that I would not want to be like him. I wanted to build a complete family and keep my family. We have two daughters and I really love this girl despite my insecurities. Despite the things I’ve experienced with her bc I have never caught her in the act of cheating but definitely have seen some red flags with her. A part of me wants to believe that she has been loyal to me but another part says to me that she has hid things from me. Sometimes I felt gaslit by her using my trauma. Anyway she finally walked away from me after 7 years. My therapist believes she truly loves me and wants to be with me. Everyone says how crazy I am for always checking her gps and phone and asking her questions. Sometimes I feel like she did cheat and never wants to admit it out of fear of losing me and her ruining her reputation of being loyal or something. I feel like she’s lost herself in our relationship and I have too feeling like it hasn’t been true. We are both in therapy. We co parent and have our separate lives right now. She has told me to let her go but how confusing is that when she told she’s still in love with me and that she just wants me to heal, work on my trauma, and show action instead of words bc I’ve said things and not followed through with them. What do you guys think?