Who normally reaches out to negotiate the QDRO conditions?

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-02-08T20:33:41+00:00

It should be named in your settlement agreement the name of the company that will handle it. From there, the date of separation is named and the general amount the other party is entitled "plus or minus gains" since it takes MONTHS for this stuff to work through. Where you can save some $$ is filling out the paperwork yourself, it's fairly straightforward. No need to give your laywer more money.

Xan-Diesel · 2024-02-08T18:47:40+00:00

My ex-wife agreed to the date of separation. Happened to fall on a date my 401k provider happened to have quarterly info for this particular date. I'd saved for 15 years at that point and we were married just shy of 10 years (she left for her affair partner the month before our 10th wedding anniversary). So she agreed to half of 10/15ths of the value at that date.

I reached out to my HR who reached out to the lawyer for the 401k and requested a QDRO for the value she agreed to. I had to send them this info via divorce decree. The sliced off the portion of my 401k she was "entitled to" and created a 401k for her from my funds in a percentage with her name, date of birth, SSN etc. and I assume reached out to her with her contact info.

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-02-08T18:00:44+00:00

The retirement funds were in my name, so my lawyer suggested someone and my ex agreed. The split happened following the decree and I believe the person who handled it was named in the settlement agreement.

Where it got interesting (and a word of warning) was the market took a huge dump during our divorce, so my ex decided she wanted the value as of the date of separation. (I'm sure if it had shot up, it would've been an non-issue.) If she got her way, I'd only be getting about 1/3 of the retirement funds.

My lawyer insisted it's the value as of the date of the decree (minus any contributions after the separation date). Her lawyer insisted it should be the value on the date of separation because "I had a say over where it was invested" and I therefore I lost "her" money post-separation. Technically, he was correct, I did have a choice of 100 different funds, but no control over the market itself.

Luckily, the market shot back up, and I moved the funds out of the market until the divorce was settled. My lawyer did warn me that if the market shot up further, she could change her mind, agree that it's the decree date, and argue that she's entitled to the increase because she didn't agree to move the funds out. (I tried to get her to agree, but she refused to address the issue.) It was really a no-win situation.

Fwooply · 2024-02-08T17:25:34+00:00

My FC lawyer suggested the QDRO lawyer and my ex agreed. The QDRO lawyer is mentioned by name in the settlement.

So far, the QDRO lawyer seems ... kind of cold actually. By the book. I'd imagine she doesn't really care about anything other than maxing her payment and not having a dent on her record. I think she'll do a diligent job shaped by those concerns.

The shadiest thing in the deal is that my lawyer threw work to another lawyer perhaps with some mutual gain. But at this point, I can give no more fucks.

DivorcedRedditUser · 2024-02-08T17:20:31+00:00

It shouldn’t matter, as you are dealing with pretty concrete numbers. The funds aren’t going to change value based on who is asking for the value…

My lawyer made the QDRO arrangements, as the accounts were in my name. Was a hassle dealing with the ex constantly asking when she was getting the money, but that was the real hassle…

I did manage to make an agreement that the ex would give up any claim to my work retirement fund, in exchange for the cash out/QDRO. She could still make an attempt to collect when I retire, but might be worth considering…. Could depend on length of marriage too.

Title	Who normally reaches out to negotiate the QDRO conditions?
Author	dog_fart_banned
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	February 8, 2024 5:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1am0j9m/who_normally_reaches_out_to_negotiate_the_qdro/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/who-normally-reaches-out-to-negotiate-the-qdro.1244911 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244911

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