I feel nothing when I do "feel" it's loss or maybe it's embarrassment or hopeless. It's not often it's replaced by this sense of overwhelming doom and just numbness. I have tried to cry. It starts and it stops immediately. I tried drinking and listening to our songs and it just wouldn't come. I don't want it to be at an odd time and just hit me. I mean to make time for it. When taking though it In therapy or in group. I find myself saying it like it's something that happened to someone else or something I read.