I’ve known about cold approaching for around 10 years. 10 weeks ago, I decided to actually take action.

It’s genuinely been a fantasy of mine. To be able to approach girls in the daytime completely sober. I’ve seen many videos online, read books and listened to podcasts about it. But, for some reason, I was just never ever able to take action. My normal process went like this… See attractive girl, walk past her, think about approaching, don’t approach, feel bad/guilty, go home and beat myself up about it. I was genuinely in a negative cycle loop and I had no idea how to change. I genuinely needed to do something about it.

Around 10 weeks ago, I decided to start cold approaching girls I found attractive on the street and I can honestly say, it has changed my life. Here are some steps I took, and things I’ve learnt whilst doing cold approach.

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  1. Be completely truthful to yourself. If you’re scared, admit it. That’s perfectly fine, and obviously very common. You can lie to your family, your friends, but never ever lie to yourself. Remind yourself that you don’t have to do this. You honestly don’t. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Every time I went out, even though 50% of the time I didn’t want to, I said that I can happily go back to my old self of not taking action and not work on my relationship/dating life. BUT, there’s a reason I want to do this, and that reason is to build a better life for myself. I’ve developed somewhat a ‘Stoic’ mindset to this. I made a promise to go out at least 1 day a week (normally Saturday or Sunday) and I’d do around 10/12 approaches whether I felt shit, average, or happy. As long as I took action that day, that was a win! The result genuinely didn’t matter.
  2. Set aside time to do this. Set yourself at least 1 day a week (probably a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday) to go try this skillset out. Look, of course we dream of bumping into our future girlfriend/wife at a coffee shop, strike up a conversation, get her number, and take her out. But, if you’ve never done this before, how do you genuinely think you’ll go do that? You’ve not practised this skillset enough so you’ll probably not do it, and then feel worse in the long run. Honestly, set time aside in the beginning and just go around a busy city and walk around for a set amount of time then go home.
  3. Celebrate the taking action of the approach, rather than the reward you’ll possibly receive. Nowadays, people are far too concentrated on the reward, rather than the process. Which is why people give up so easily. At the beginning, you possibly won’t be outcome independent. You’ll feel rubbish about an awkward conversation you’ve just had, you’ll probably feel bad for not getting a girls number etc etc. But, you taking action, is the reward! Whatever happens after that, it honestly doesn’t matter. Remember you’re learning a skill and you’ll probably suck (as does everybody) at the beginning. As a beginner, I truthfully believe it’s better to have had a day of 10 rejections, then 1 number from 1 approach. Pat yourself on the back for taking action every single time.
  4. In the early days, accept that you’ll get rejected… A LOT. I remember reading this online and it genuinely made me feel uncomfortable when I read it. I’d almost get a little anxious just thinking about it. But honestly.. rejection genuinely feels GOOD. That’s right, I said GOOD. Sometimes GREAT. The amount of times women have said to me… ‘Oh my god, that’s made my day thanks so much, but I do have a BF’ or ‘Thanks a lot, I do appreciate the confidence but I do have a BF blah blah blah’. Think about it logically for a second… You’re giving a compliment. Who doesn’t enjoy a random genuine compliment? It’s such a beautiful experience sometimes as women genuinely never get approached in the daytime so they normally do appreciate it. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a few times where the girls didn’t care or didn’t react in the nicest way, but you’ll be surprised how little you care the more you do it. Just remember, taking action is the win!
  5. If you want to get better, then the best thing to do is to have a growth mindset with this process. Whenever I do an approach, I normally walk away and completely disregard the emotions and concentrate on thinking logically. The first thing I’ll say to myself is, ‘Okay, well done for taking action. I was happy with the stop, but maybe next time I’ll concentrate on speaking more slowly and having taller posture etc etc’. I remember when I started doing this, my opener would be quite short and then I’d go straight into interview mode. I then realised I needed to work on my opener, so I decided to develop it and take it into my next interactions. You’ll progress faster the more you have this mindset.
  6. This actually becomes slightly habitual over time. I knew this would happen, but it still surprises me. As I’d consider myself a beginner, I still set aside days in a week to go do this. But, sometimes when I’m just out in the day, I may see somebody I like and I do get an urge to go do the approach, and 95% of the time I will. This is just a constant reminder to me that the more I do this, the more It becomes natural to me. But I can’t stress enough that it’s still a good thing to set aside time in the beginning.
  7. This shit runs a lot deeper than just attracting and sleeping with hot women. You’ll develop as a person in so many different ways. You’re running towards fear on a regular basis, something 99% of people won’t ever do. You’ll go through a range of emotions, both good and bad. But, what you’ll realise is that you’ll take action regardless. To be honest, I’ve had quite good success with women in my years so I never actually got into cold approaching because of that. The truth is, I really struggled with attachment. I had an unhealthy mindset towards women that I dated, because I’d develop a scarcity mindset when things would turn sour as I didn’t know how to create new options for myself when things would end, which made me needy. As I don’t have any social media and I don’t use online dating, I knew that this was the only real option for me.

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To be honest, I can go on and on as to why I think every single guy should try this. I believe there’s so many positives to doing this. I honestly think cold approaching is such a good skillset to learn. Think about it, you’re facing fear and discomfort each time you do it. It baffles me how just over 2 months of this, my mindset has completely shifted.

Lastly, why do I do this? Why did I get into this? Some days, I ask myself this question when I’m out and about and I’m getting rejection after rejection and I feel quite down. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I don’t have an excuse to not do this anymore. I’m 30, I run my own business, I have a fun social life, I’m into fitness but my relationship life was lacking. I got to a point in my life where I was fed up of living life in a comfort zone. Fed up with just accepting what was given to me (mainly in my relationship life) and I wanted to do something about it.

Now, to wrap this up. For any single person who wants to start cold approaching, make a conscious decision right now of whether you want to or not. It’s fine if you don’t, it honestly is. It won’t affect my life at all. But, if you do, but you’re scared… GOOD! You can work on that. Set a date in your diary, to go do this. For the first step, just go to a big city, walk around for 2 hours, then go home. Then next week, walk around and just pay a compliment etc etc. Just make a decision to do this.

I really do hope this inspires somebody to take action. I can’t stress how poor my relationship life has been in the past, and how this has completely fixed it. So I am so thankful for that. I know some people are obsessed with the statistics of Daygame and will probably ask about it, which I don’t mind. But, I personally think reading statistics of Daygame online, completely disregards the feelings and growth of going out and doing this. This is far more than just numbers on a screen.

Thanks for reading!