Advice for dating/meeting not at the bar/club/dating apps?

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-08T11:07:52+00:00

I used daygame for years to meet women so I can offer a few pointers. The first thing is to decide what it is that you want. Saying "I just want to meet girls" is not enough. What kind of girls? Do you like them smart, party girls, tattooed girls, nerds, etc? What do you want them for? Looking for a gf or just a FWB or a ons?

There are many different flavors and you have to make up your mind before you get out of the house, because this will form your strategy and places you go to. If you really want fast casual sex, you have to understand that the library is probably not the best place, okay?

Once you have narrowed it down as much as possible and you are not leaving any doors and windows open (this is crucial, most guys want to keep their options open, which actually leaves them very indecisive and easy to manipulate - a man who knows what he wants and is not deterred from going after what he wants will come across as confident and strong, which is how you want women to perceive you) you need to find out some places where the type of women you want to meet go to.

For years, a few Starbucks places were my favorites. They were the type with a lounge and a lot of seating, where you could go and do some work or read a book and stay for an hour or two observing the scene. This way you have something to do and saying hi to a woman is just a "by the way" type of thing. Don't ever make it seem like you went to hang out there to pickup girls. That's really creepy.

But let's go back to your fear and anxiety. This is completely normal because you are trying to meet women outside of society approved places and the fear program installed in your head must stop you at all costs from doing something that is extremely normal - walking up to an attractive woman and expressing to her that you do in fact find her attractive. So start small. Find some places where a lot of women congregate and in passing smile at a few. Nice big wide smile! Again, the program in your head will force you to eek a stupid half grin that makes you look like a psycho. Smile nice and wide, show your teeth.

Once you feel comfortable with this exercise, try nodding and smiling. See if any women respond to that. I used this to test the waters and see if there is interest in approaching before approaching.

After you can graduate to saying hi, what's up, or how are you doing. And then try introducing yourself. Etc.

There is one piece here that will make or break your missions. And that piece is attachment to outcome aka expectations. See, the reason women don't trust men or find their compliments genuine is that there is always an agenda/expectation behind them. They know that a man says "nice dress" because he wants something. It's no different than a homeless guy approaching you and saying "nice shirt man". You know the very next words out of his mouth are going to be "can you help a fella out with some spare change". So I need you to reframe all of this thusly. Instead of smiling at a woman hoping she will find you sexually attractive and smile back, smile at her because seeing her beauty and appreciating it has made your day. If you compliment a woman on her outfit, do it not because you are expecting her to start talking to you and show sings of interest, but because you are a man who appreciates beauty and it makes you happy.

It's really just a simple reframing if the things that we do, but reframing every interaction with a woman as "I do this (talking to her, complimenting her, etc.) because it makes me happy and I genuinely enjoy it and furthermore I am giving to women the gift of enjoying my company" as opposed to "I do this so I can extract interest and sex from her" will make all the difference in the world for you.

I will give you another analogy in case you are one of these guys who thinks "yeah but all I want is sex from them, so why hide it". Imagine that you have to hire an employee. And you have two choices.

Choice A: a guy who is obviously saying what you want to hear because he wants the job and the money but you can feel that he has no passion for the work and will likely quit when it gets tough or he gets a better offer.

Choice B: a guy who is obviously passionate about the work you offer, understands what you need, takes interest in the company, your management style and is clearly there to bring value to the business instead of extracting value out if it.

Which one would you pick?

Western-Bite1759 · 2022-07-09T03:10:30+00:00

A tip that helped me is to talk to anyone if it makes sense to talk to them. And be playful while doing so. People want to have a good day and a little conversation that stands out from their boring routine will stay in their heads. You can do this everywhere.

You know sometimes you get random encounters that last 10 seconds with strangers that just feels good and then they disappear and you never see them again? Be that person. People will remember you for a bit.

And then if you keep going to the usual places you go while doing this you will see certain people again and there is a good chance that they will remember you. Now you are familiar to them and it makes them feel happy to see you. I do this whenever I have the chance with anyone.

The advantage is that if a cute girl is there, you can talk to her like this too if she happens to be close and available. You won't seem creepy at all because you just do this with people. And she will notice it since you already know some people around.

I know that it seems a bit complicated, but once you start doing this consistently everywhere there will be an opportunity eventually. The huge benefits to this is that you don't come off as creepy, you are less nervous and people just aren't like this in general so you stand out. They are too caught up in their routines and their self centered world view that is accentuated through social media. At least that's how it is where I live. Strangers don't really talk to each other. It's not seen as weird or anything though. It's just not the norm.

marshmellow0134 · 2022-07-08T22:46:55+00:00

I’m in the same boat 25F. Actually very similar. I think it’d be nice to have a cold approach in a safe area (not a parking lot, at night somewhere unpopulated). I have the same question here lol can’t help outside of that.

SeanBatemanJr · 2022-07-09T08:03:15+00:00

My advice: learn to do direct openers in daytime situations. First couple or even dozen times you might be extremely scared and nervous and fuck up because of that, but then nervousness would lower to the healthy level and you will have a skill you can deploy at any time. At first it’s wise to go to places where girls are not rushing anywhere, like cafes or parks. When you get the skill, you can even stop walking girls with it. It’s usually wise to approach girls, who are alone or in pairs, larger groups are a waste of time most of the time in my opinion (although if I see some extremely attractive girl in a larger group, I might just try to approach for shits and giggles and maybe try to talk to the whole group at first, depending on my intuition — but haven’t had good results from groups of 3 or more in the years I’ve done this — but who knows, maybe I will crack them in the future). Direct approach really saves you a lot of time. For me it’s the main way I meet new girls, because I hate parties and social circle and mostly see girls I want to talk to outside of my social circle. And I love the way you either get a very fast but polite rejection (which is MUCH preferable to wasted time and energy) or basically get a very solid contact that will remember you and be easy to get on a date.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2022-07-09T05:02:51+00:00

Daytime cold approach. Look at my recent posts.

AdvertisingNo5736 · 2022-07-08T21:32:31+00:00

Stop making excuses and assuming facts about yourself. You can talk to wonderful people anywhere. Get some things to say and get out there. Remember that growth takes place doing things thats are uncomfortable.

boxmail2800 · 2022-07-08T15:42:43+00:00

!remindme 10 days

boxmail2800 · 2022-07-08T15:45:19+00:00

RemindMe 10days

Laugh-Extreme · 2022-07-09T07:41:47+00:00

!Remindme 10 days

Title	Advice for dating/meeting not at the bar/club/dating apps?
Author	ihoop281
Upvotes	47
Comments	25
Date	July 8, 2022 10:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vu7hr9/advice_for_datingmeeting_not_at_the_barclubdating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/advice-for-datingmeeting-not-at-the-barclubdating.1255016 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255016

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