What are the legal pros/cons of having kids without being married?

anonanonetc · 2018-03-25T14:52:49+00:00

Pros: you’re not married. Cons: you’ve got kids.

I’m pretty sure she can, at her discretion, still make a custody or child support play. And if you’re actually being a man, e.g. spinning plates, having fun, and making money, well that’s exactly what the courts believe should be punished. Only beta households are suitable for children is the idea.

sirbassist83 · 2018-03-25T14:57:03+00:00

cons: you have kids

pros:

bluepillbettafish · 2018-03-25T15:07:08+00:00

Pros: you are now possibly genetically immortal. Cons: girl may become less invested in you as an assumed investment in her (I had his kids, now he HAS to be around to help me raise them, that's what my matriarchy does for me.) So if you are okay with your relationship with that girl and her family and maybe your own family becoming strained as a result of still valuing yourself despite having kids, that's something to consider.

neverquitman · 2018-03-25T16:52:22+00:00

You still have to recognise the kid. And the kid has to take someones name, moms or dad.

Issues may arise when travelling, when enrolling in school, simple bureaucratic shit.

The kid may not be recognised in wills especially if you have another recognized family.

Right now, no one cares but the moment the kid wants to go into some serious high society shit. They might be judged for being a bastard.

Depending on how poor you might be, you might have a hard time getting a loan for that "kid".

If you're rich, fuck all rules, do what you wish.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2018-03-25T17:54:57+00:00

One thing that you have to think about when you have kids is that there is not someone else who is as important to you as you are in your life.

Also, the #1 problem for kids (and the nation) is a lack of fathers in the home. It's bad for girls, but it's worse for boys.

Un-Fun Fact: What do pretty much 100% of school shooters have in common? No father involvement.

So for guys who want to have kids, great, but you have to go all in on being there for your kids. Incidentally, I am sometimes asked why I didn't donate sperm when I was younger (I have aged out of it, now). The answer is, I would not betray my sons by condemning them to be raised by single mothers while I am absent from their lives.

IncognitoMaster91 · 2018-03-25T15:40:22+00:00

I think the cons of having kids pretty much are the same with or without being married. They are cons. Don't add them if you don't have to.

Taking care of a child the right way means you focus 100% on their wellbeing and upbringing. The best environment for that is with a solid female mother figure in their life and you too.

Just don't go that road if you aren't prepared for a shit ton of work. All I see are cons. I know they may be pros. But not for my mission in life.

[deleted] · 2018-03-25T19:36:35+00:00

You're still going to be considered de facto or common law marriage in most states and Canada if you're cohabiting for a certain amount of time which carries the same risks (divorce rape) as marriage.

Tl;dr you're still fucked if you're cohabiting

Random_throwaway_000 · 2018-03-25T22:41:28+00:00

If you want kids, leave USA. Find a country that encourages stable families, then marry there.

chasebandz01 · 2018-03-25T23:01:33+00:00

what benefit do you theoretically imagine would come from having a child with someone you don't intent to marry?

RedShifter99 · 2018-03-26T01:50:56+00:00

hanks all. To add, a private PM suggested I get married and look into a pre-nup/at-will arrangement that provides $X to her within a set time frame before or after in the event of a divorce. Thoughts?

Just don't get married.

beginner_ · 2018-03-26T05:47:37+00:00

It depends where you live, eg. laws in your country and state.

In general:

DON'T MARRY (prenups are thrown our mostly) And you can't do a paternity test because if you are married you are automatically the legal dad. If you don't marry, demand a paternity test and if she declines, don't accept paternity. Obvious this should be explained to her very clearly before she gets pregnant...
Get a paternity test (everything below assumes you are the father)
Accept paternity (do not do this without a test...)
Get shared custody
Make a contract what happens if you split especially regarding the child (who the child lives with, how much you pay and for what that is and so forth)

But again depends greatly on where you live, especially if common law marriage exists.

Title	What are the legal pros/cons of having kids without being married?
Author	RedNightOwl
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	March 25, 2018 2:49 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8714fv/what_are_the_legal_proscons_of_having_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-are-the-legal-proscons-of-having-kids-without.126443 https://theredarchive.com/post/126443

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