This year one of my biggest feats was learning to cold approach women in any situation, be that even on the streets, crowded shops, girls sitting at tables in a coffee shop, etc. This was one of my main sticking points, as I have always feared rejection. My limiting story, which I kept replaying in my head, where it's "impossible" to meet women on the streets or your everyday life, just kept me frustrated and locked in my current situation.

Back in March, after having a phone call with a dating coach that specializes specifically in this area (not going to mention his name cause I don't want to sound like I'm advertising), and after watching dozens of cold approach infields, I set the goal to approach at least 100 women in the next 3 months, and ventured into the world. The phone call and my frustration broke the camel's back so to speak.

Here are some of the things I learned which I hope you might find valuable:

  1. This has to be point number one above everything else: the only way you will ever get over your fear of cold approaching and rejection, is by facing it, and doing it over and over again, up until the point where you get desensitized to the experience, and you no longer fear failure. There is no meditation, hypnosis or any other approach that can cure your fear, except action. I also still hesitate sometimes and miss out on great opportunities, cause I get stuck in my head.
  2. As it has been said many times, regardless of how good you are, it's mostly a numbers game. I'm also, very quick to put myself down after rejections and take it personal, so this is also a note to myself.
  3. Being in a positive state is very important. What do I mean by that. As we now know thanks to the wonderful science of neuroscience, depending on what kind of emotional and physical state you are in, different parts of your brains are being activated. This can either literally limit or unleash your potential and skills. When you are in a positive or resourceful state, you can be more present, you think more clearly and creatively. You are more relaxed, you are more detached from the outcome and this increases your chances for success since your whole demeanor is more positive. It also helps with rebounding from rejection in a shorter time period. When you are in a negative state, your mind is more closed off, you are more tense, you are less likely to be present, thus making the situation and the conversation more awkward. For more information about this subject, I would recommend you to check out different interviews with Dr. Andrew Huberman, who is a brilliant neuroscientist, or read the book Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine.
  4. Being present helps with the conversation and helps with being in the moment. This leads to better communication. See point #3 for this. Doing regularly meditational practices is also of a great help, since it helps you calm your mind, it calms your negative emotions and you become more "free".
  5. Learn to talk with people from all walks of life, in any kind of situation. For starters, you can engage the personnel in shops and in stores, since they are generally paid to be nice to you. Learn to start a small talk with them.
  6. I have been mostly using the London day-game model, since this gave me a good framework to use and to build upon. This way I don't have to keep thinking and guessing what the next steps in the interaction would be.
  7. Accept the fact that you're going to be terrible most likely in the beginning. I'm also pretty bad at this still, but truth be told I've only done about 150 cold approaches all year long, mostly due to lockdown restrictions in my country.
  8. Keep a journal and write down the important points of each interaction: where and how you have opened her, what was her reaction, how were you dressed, what were your weak points, did it lead to anything (contact info, date, sex) etc. Keeping a journal just for your regular life is of a great help also.
  9. You will get all kinds of reactions and responses on the positive to negative spectrum, and unless you approach, you have no way of predicting how things will turn out.
  10. "The pain of regret will always be bigger than the pain of rejection."

These are just my 2 cents as a humble beginner.

EDIT: grammar proofing.