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[–]Therocksays2020 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
You have nothing to lose by approaching her. If she’s not into it you will know.
What you’re doing now makes it seem like you’re waiting for her to make the first move. You know better than that
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That is true. I am a bit hesitant to make the first move given it is the workplace and things could get very awkward if I am wrong. I just can’t Figure out why I am literally the only person she isn't outgoing with. When I was younger and approached women in school after misreading signs, things would be awkward for months, if not years afterward
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I respect that I don’t date co workers. My only tip is no one is saying you need to ask her out. Why not break the ice though?
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I say hello to her all the time. She says hi back, but she just isn’t as talkative and outgoing with me as with the other employee’s, so my mind reads that as obvious disinterest, but i could be wrong.
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m guessing they joke with her more than you do. Perhaps begin there?
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
If she’s not into it you will know.
Oh? This girl is entirely likely to clam up or go defensive.
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
By him joking with her?
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Sure, if she's nervous enough.
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
So instead he should ignore her? Come om now
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Come om now, I didn't say or imply that.
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So what is your advice then???
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Nervous ones are tough, they can completely shut down or run away yet still like you.
I don't chase this kind, but if I did, I would play creatively. Try flirting with her first, of course, but observe her carefully. If she clams up or runs away, she clearly has feelings of some sort.
In that case, buy her a little teddy bear and write a note. Write it anonymously, say you think she has feelings but can't be sure. Say that if she wants more attention, to put the bear at your desk (or whatever applies to that workspace). Otherwise, out of respect for the workplace, you'll have to pretend not to notice her. Mind you, don't take too long!
That gives her time to think it through and make a move when nobody's looking.
So much work, that's why I wouldn't bother. But there's a plan.
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Buy a teddy bear for someone you don’t know is interested in you? 😬
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see your point, but the amount of effort that goes into chasing this girl is worth far more. You'd have to really want her.
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
She probably is interested and because you work together, this is her defense mechanism.
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
You think? I was wondering if she may be unconsciously overcompensating for something because her interactions with me are the polar opposite of the conversations with other people
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I only think so bc this is how I am. I have worked with tons of men over the years and have always maintained platonic relationships at work with anyone non threatening. I seem extroverted and outgoing with guys I work with. But if I am attracted to someone I put major walls up to keep them out.
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
How would recommend going about figuring out if that is what is going on or if it is just major signs of disinterest?
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What is your objective? To know just to know, to bang, to become friends with, to fall madly in love with?
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I would say my objective right now is just to figure out if she is interested in more than a friendly way.
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
In a workplace environment that could take time. There’s not a lot you can do that wouldn’t come off as being too forward / inappropriate. How often do you interact with her and do you work together or in totally different functional areas?
Not often because we work in totally separate areas. Our shifts overlap and I do see her. I’m just struggling to accept that it is not just utter disinterest since the behavior is just so different.
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Do you have a way to communicate with her besides face to face (like email, work related messaging app?) If yes, I would recommend trying to send her something like a funny meme that’s relevant to where you work. Break the ice with something funny and then see if you can start a conversation with her after that. If the only way to communicate with her is to get her number then say something like “hey I found this meme that made me think of you, can I send it to you?”
Only face to face. I think I have an idea of what to do though when I see her next
[–]TransitionNormal1387 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When she won’t commit to one on one with you, it’s simple, if you can’t make it happen, there’s no attraction.
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was what I was initially thinking, but I have many people telling me they act like that with people they’re attracted to, especially at work
I have had three people now tell me I should talk to her and I actually had one tell me she was flirting with me when I briefly talked to her because I guess she was smiling the whole time
Often other people see it better than you can. It's true, some people get nervous around the person they like.
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[–]Therocksays2020 1 point2 points3 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Therocksays2020 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]that_heavy_love 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TransitionNormal1387 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Imaginary_Driver21 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]double_prong 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link