Disclaimer: If you are looking for one night stands, short term relationships or your mentality is "Don't learn how to fish, from fish" and you aren't open to others' perspectives then you are welcome to not waste your time reading this post. Once again this is for folks who are looking to foster healthy long term relationships with a female partner who is emotionally intelligent, is willing to put in the effort (given you are willing to do so as well) and will stick with you through the test of times. She might be rare but for her you need to become rare too. Match the energy!

Empathy: Being able to walk in another person's shoes. Being able to see/feel their perspective/pain/dilemma which is different than yours. Acknowledging that being in their shoes will be just as uncomfortable, as it is to be in yours. It differs from sympathy, which is basically feeling pity or sorrow for another and all you do is offer words of kindness or a hug.

Empathy in everyday life: I live in a first world country and have plenty of food, water and shelter. I run into a refugee who has just arrived from a worn torn country. He has old tattered clothes on, is hungry and frail. Am I going to question his story? Most likely not, because he is showing signs of all the stress he has been through. Sure I might have been bullied and beaten throughout high school and might not be able to hold a steady employment, might even live in low-income housing. My struggle doesn't negate his struggle or vice versa.

Empathy in dating: Use the same humane concept of not questioning someone else's struggle over your own when interacting with opposite sex.

  1. If you want to cold approach, have empathy in regards to the situation she could be going through. Is she lugging grocery bags on a hot summer day? Is she speaking on the phone with someone? Ask her if you can interrupt whatever she is doing for a moment. Give her a good reason why you are requesting this interruption from whatever she is currently doing. Women always discuss how they were sitting and doing their work at a coffee shop and this dude just wouldn't stop staring, then walked up to them and asked me for their number. The audacity he had to not see she was busy. It is just as hard to be constantly approached by men who act/talk/offer the same thing. Then it amounts up to nothing at the end of the day, if the girl does invests. Intelligent women understand how hard it is for you to approach her but understand her dilemma too. The same girl/woman might react differently if you approach her with: "Excuse me, I know you look intensely lost in your work but you struck me as someone I'd like to get to know more. Could we exchange contact information to get to know each other when you are taking a breather?". If you won't interrupt your male friend than don't do it to a female.
  2. Online dating: Don't just say hey! Hello! Hi cutie and expect her to reciprocate enthusiastically. Very few women will, because those are the common messages we receive and it is really hard to filter who we want to give our attention to when you blend into the sea of the same messages. Good women are not being bitches. We also do not want to get hurt by investing our time in Timmy who just wants to get his dick wet tonight. We are trying to find out why you are the one we should speak with? Instead try to talk to her like you would to a new friend. You are on a dating app and you both matched. She knows you are interested! Just roll with it. It's as simple as thinking what would I like someone to say to me to get my attention? How would I like to be treated? Then treat her the same. A simple start such as mentioning something you are looking forward to this weekend and ask her how her day or week has been going? When she answers with "Oh pretty good" ask her if anything special happened this week? If she says "It has been a rough week". Tell her you are sorry to hear that and ask her if she cares to share what has been making her week rough?

The point is not to take a fake script, memorize and roll with it. The point is to live in the moment, really get to know who you are talking - really feel their words. Feel what they are going through as if you could be them. No need to glorify your pain or minimize your pain over theirs. If she is the right person you should proceed forward with - she will treat you with same compassion and empathy. If she shows signs of self-centeredness and only talks about her with zero follow up, then she ain't worth your time.