Ltr of a year withheld sex for the first time - did I handle it right?

900_year_old_vampire · 2018-04-22T00:51:59+00:00

no man, not really. sounds like you came off pretty butthurt. you should pretend like it never happened, and hope she does the same. newsflash, nobody is horny 24/7. im not saying that treating her like a walking talking collection of holes is a bad idea.. thats gona work every time like clockwork. but theres nothin wrong with being understanding when someone aint in the mood. an "ok" is fine. if you cant fuck someone twice, then take "im too sore to go again" at face value, you need to work on your self esteem

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T00:53:35+00:00

Don’t act out of spite - act out of principle. Establish your principles out of respect for yourself.

Do what you want and follow your gut. Develop a compass.

Maybe she was actually sore. It’s not that big a deal. But if you sense a deeper issue, suss it out and act in alignment with your principles. This may mean nothing; you may need to test the waters and/or walk. You’ll figure it out.

uoppl · 2018-04-22T02:30:17+00:00

You need to learn the difference between a hard no and a soft no. A hard no is basically when she weaponises sex to control the relationship. That is a boundary that she isn't allowed to cross.

A soft no is her denying you sex for a legitimate reason. Not being horny, being sore, being tired, being sick etc. are legitimate reasons. You just have to realise when these reasons become excuses not to have sex with you if she starts denying you too often. Then you can find the deeper issue or just soft next.

alpha-zach · 2018-04-22T02:35:29+00:00

There’s something happening that you don’t know about or haven’t mentioned in OP. Twice isn’t enough to get sore. Did you get AMOG’d by some other guy? Did you fail a shit test? Is she on her period and embarrassed?

I agree with other posters that you seemed butthurt. Maybe the right moves, but take it slower next time. Text for an hour then go out or just go straight to bed. 10 minutes was a bit much.

Might also want to read up on comfort tests vs shit tests.

Dread should be a later action. Not necessarily last resort but you have other options to pull from than dread at a simple “I’m too sore”

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T00:45:55+00:00

Radio silence 3-5 days

zboo1h · 2018-04-22T00:47:33+00:00

I would say after a fuckfest all night it would be rational for her to be sore, but in my experience even in that case there are ways to finesse them into getting what you want. The trick is knowing when to stop "finessing" them and recognize when they're stiff-arming you.

Honestly, reacting negative (or reacting at all) is bad in this kind of situation. Your mindset should be "I'm really going to punish her next time." Then punish her. Stick her head in the toilet.

If this becomes a recurring thing, though, soft next no contact at least 2 days. You have needs, don't forget it.

wrapunzel · 2018-04-22T01:02:08+00:00

You are disgusting. Literally kys dude you’re hopeless

Title	Ltr of a year withheld sex for the first time - did I handle it right?
Author	uoppl
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	April 22, 2018 12:42 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8dzx0v/ltr_of_a_year_withheld_sex_for_the_first_time_did/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-of-a-year-withheld-sex-for-the-first-time-did.128592 https://theredarchive.com/post/128592

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