I think I cockblocked myself by making women feel insecure or viewing me as a player

ImJustSo · 2017-10-10T17:12:21+00:00

No, you've just created a resource that you don't understand how to utilize yet. There absolutely is a difference between succeeding with women as a plain ol dude and a desirable dude.

First of all, you're being perceived as out of their league if there's thousands of women as competition. This is difficult to overcome, but you do have to seek to make women comfortable. Comfortable with you, comfortable with themselves, and assured that they're not expendable.

Second, inexperience at this is pretty much the worst phase you'll go through, but you'll come out better than now, and way better than before.

BestOfPUA · 2017-10-10T22:39:06+00:00

Overall, game has 3 parts. Attraction, comfort, seduction.

Your body and your 20k followers are attraction. This will make woman think you are something, which is good. But, it is not enough to have sex with woman if you don't have comfort and seduction.

Basically:

Too much attraction and not enough comfort = problem you are having.

Too much comfort and not enough attraction = friend zone

Both enough attraction and comfort but no seduction = She always wants to be around you but she won't fuck you

It seems like you need to start building comfort with those girls.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-10-11T04:26:05+00:00

__1__

I think I cockblocked myself by making women feel insecure or viewing me as a player

Could be. It depends on the image you've strived to cultivate, versus the kinds of women you want. If these two things are at odds, you're going to have a bad time.

__2__

Long story short, I worked hard to be in shape/look good, and have a really good image online, so now I have over 20k followers.

Taking care of your body is all good and well, but having a good image online is not worth much. Unless you have a career that this would help with, like an acting or modeling career, or something in sales, where having followers translates into good things.

__3__

You'd think it would help me but I only get attention from less desirable women and gay men.

If you're talking about online overtures from these people, then the first issue here is that you're confusing social media with real life social interaction.

You want sex, it requires social interaction in person. You want a relaionship, same thing. You have this focus on your online marketing, when that isn't possible. You can have plenty of sex or whatever else you want, without even having 20K followers. You've gotten WAY off track focusing on this.

You have said nothing here about your in person interactions. What are you doing to get outside and socialize?

__4__

I've had a lot of women I've been involved with have a problem with me having a lot of followers and posting photos where I don't have a shirt on, and it comes up a lot.

This seems to contradict your earlier statement that you ONLY get attention from women you're not interested in and gay men.

Here you seem to be indicating that you do interact with women you find attractive, but they are insecure about your online presense and personal marketing. (Which again, unless you're promoting yourself in support of an acting or modeling career, there's little reason to be posting tons of pics or having tons of followers.)

__5__

I also find women play hard to get a lot more and get more jealous and assume I'm just going to fuck them and leave. Is it possible that now I've made things even harder?

Probably. Sounds like you do spend a lot of time creating a certain image online, and when girls look through that and see all the comments and likes that other girls drop on your posts, they have a certain impression that your ego is so reliant on validation from women, that they can't rely on you to be constant because if a girl offers you validation, maybe you won't be loyal.

rawbface · 2017-10-10T17:14:34+00:00

I'll give you the benefit of doubt that this isn't a humblebrag.

The only issue I can see by what you're doing is that by posting shirtless pics for your countless followers, you are actually making yourself appear insecure by seeking a massive amount of validation. I see women do it all the time in my Instagram feed, and it's extremely transparent. Having a big social media presence is a good thing, but make sure you're using it to display value and not just posting shirtless selfies from the gym's bathroom.

2017-10-11T02:39:13+00:00

Might be good to put a freeze on everything for a bit to see what your options available are. There was a book I read once for a class about fixing problems within businesses. In that book they proposed a solution. Put a freeze on the thing you're looking to improve, formulate a new plan on how to solve it, and then unfreeze it with that new plan in place of the old.

People are saying that you've got a resource you don't know how to utilize yet. And that's absolutely correct. So its probably vital for you to take a step back and look at the situation you're in critically. What can be gained from where you are standing? How can you still find respectable women with what you've gained? That's your goal right? To find more respectable women. So its time to brain storm man. You've got 20,000 followers, you think none of them are respectable? Guarantee you that they're somewhere mixed in there.

2017-10-10T18:38:52+00:00

I have definitely had my prospects with women hindered due to the perception that I can get nearly any woman. It’s a funny paradox.

But on balance, I have greater-than-average success, so I’m not complaining (nor am I humblebragging lol). It’s better and more exciting to have more initial attraction and chances with women, then have to make them comfortable that I won’t hurt them emotionally, than to have fewer but more reliable initial chances because I’m seen as safely average.

ImJustSo · 2017-10-10T21:11:20+00:00

I 100% agree with /u/ImJustSo. Don't view it as a problem. It's a situation some guys would kill to be in. Use it to weed out the insecure women. Own that image of you being a player.

When I used Tinder, I mostly used it to get 'dates' and closed from there, but I changed my strategy to one less time wasting of going for the fuck and it worked. Be direct with what you're looking for. If you're just trying to fuck these girls, don't make it seem like you'll have a relationship. If you're just looking to meet up and feel them out, tell them you just want to 'hang out'. As counter-intuitive as it is, one of my best friends starts girls with just hanging out a couple times 'as friends' and then he escalates. If you're looking for a relationship, tell them. Wish I had better advice, but I've never been in your shoes. Hope this helps.

Title	I think I cockblocked myself by making women feel insecure or viewing me as a player
Author	cockblockedmyself1
Upvotes	21
Comments	26
Date	October 10, 2017 4:48 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/75iciy/i_think_i_cockblocked_myself_by_making_women_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-think-i-cockblocked-myself-by-making-women-feel.1296110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1296110

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