Okay, so far it has been a month since my last post. I can honestly say that it has been an intense month.

There is a girl who hangs with me just to learn from my confidence as a guy. She thinks I am the most confident motherfucker on the face of this planet. We complement each other pretty well and we are good friends.
I've gotten another complement from another girl for my confidence after I approached a random group of strangers as part of a dare. I crashed and burned (I was dared to slap one of the girl of the group's ass but it did not work.)However, the girl really appreciated my confidence in going so. I was totally out of my comfort zone when I did that.

Anyways, I went to a practice interview and the interviewers gave me really interesting feedback about myself. They said that they can distinctly hear the passion in my voice. However, they said I sounded like a wiseguy. I was taken aback by that (literally). I have always tried to have a reason to any statement that comes out of my mouth. The interviewers also noted that I used some self deprecating humor. I don't know where I used it and they couldn't point it out but they said it was there. How can I find something that I cannot detect? I thought I got rid of self deprecating humor a while back.

I was also talking with some girls and they were unbelievably cool people to meet. They however said this one thing that really stood out. They said that the “girl” in me was appreciating the “guy” in them. At that moment, I was reminded of David Deida’s book about The Way of the Superior Man. I remember reading it and thinking that I don’t have this “masculine energy” that Deida talks about. I tend to have more tonality in my voice and it has always been like that. However, I’ve always thought my voice, although deep, came out in an effeminate manner. I don’t seem to have that air of assertiveness. I’ve noticed guys who talk in this monotonous voice but they speak it as if they are pushing the air from their diaphragm. They sound low voiced but I could hear them from 10 feet away. Is there something that I am missing here? I do sometimes tend to speak too low for anyone to hear.

What I want to work on is to have girls come to me. I want to have this aura of manliness or whatever you want to call it such that the girls would want to come over and say hi. Sure it happens to me from time to time, but what about starting up a flirtatious zone of conversation with a girl such that she basically comes onto me and not the other way around?

I tend to become friends with girls that I find interesting to talk to. My general method for keeping friendships with girls is to "troll" them. I frankly don't know how to explain it but it sorta works like that. I just do things that sort of annoy them but at the end of the day I'm there to talk with them.

However, I do tend to relate with girls that I want to be friends with and sometimes it is a tad hard (although it is becoming easier) to have a conversation at any given time of the day. Normally I am tired by the night but that is just a mental thing.

I've also worked on touching people as I talk. I am still practicing this. I’ve used girls’ arms as teddy bears during our drunken walks outside, I also hug girls (guys too. No homo.) when I haven’t seen them in a while. What other simple touch things that I can use to escalate in a college atmosphere?

I’ve also noticed that I remain silent in a group conversation. For some reason, I like to work with people in general in a one on one conversation. When I am in a group context, since I try to hang out with guys who are more verbally adept than me, I tend to observe their language. I want to learn from them so badly but at the same time, my presence in the group suffers due to not talking. Are there any pointers you guys can throw at me for talking and chatting in a group?

Also, on a sidenote, when I do have a conversation where we just start talking about boring things, I start to notice the energy of the conversation dying down. How can I, instead of just talking about the regular day to day things about college life, escalate the conversation into something that is memorable?

So basically, let me recap on what is going on:

Some positive things about myself: 1) Girls appreciate my confidence, 2) Approach anxiety is my bitch. I completely do not give a fuck about that sensation., 3) I can maintain a conversation one-on-one to a decent degree., 4)I can sometimes make a conversation memorable, funny, and enjoyable., 5) I try to do small physical touches in my conversation

Things I want to work on: 1) Escalating a conversation into something enjoyable all the time, 2) Talking in a group atmosphere, 3) Talking a little louder, with more “manliness”, 4) Setting a flirtatious mood with a girl, 5) Getting rid of self-deprecating humor, 6) Wiseassery – Am I being too cocky or something?

Edit: Wow. Long Post. To you guys who read the entire thing, thanks for your time. :)