Hey everyone -

TL;DR: I seem to be suffering from great guy, hilarious story teller, life of the party that cannot generate sexual attraction / cannot discern “you’re fun to be around” vs “I’m interested in you physically” syndrome. I mean I’m beating myself up bad cause I’m doing a lot of things right (I think) and failing to create results and my brainstem is screaming at me to get it done.

Warning: super long wall inbound, but I am freestyle journaling and wonder if writing it out will help Illuminate what keeps going wrong.

Attended a tech conference this week. Came a night early and hit a concert; chatted up some folks including a large chested brunette who seemed clever enough. Danced my ass off and got a random blond to dance for a while, “I love you!” She said, but pulled away with her friends into the crowd. Got a number from chesty that was either fake or she just didn’t respond to me subsequently. Bye.

Next night I get the “you’re great but our histories mean it’ll never work” text from a chick back home. Fine. Meet a super cute tech chick at downtown Disney but she’s weirdly into his older dude and anyway move on. Amazing blue eyes though.

At conference lunch I crash a table with two chicks and a dude, D, J and D. Talk with everyone and get address of a vendor party that I wasn’t invited to.

I begin dressing very flamboyantly for remaining party nights after the sessions and am getting compliments on my clothing. First night of conference proper I’m walking to a vendor party and I cold approach two girls on the sidewalk from the conference and convince em to crash a party with me. Blonde chick is German and my primary target, G. Her bestie, P is nice enough but not my type and sporting a diamond. We meet with some others including a stunning blonde girl and we access the party and start chasing alcohol. I’m telling stories, corralling others in to our group and the mood is festive. G is laughing at my jokes, looking to me when a group laugh is had, and tells me that she thinks we didn’t get bugged by vendors because my storytelling is so tight that sales idiots think someone else is already making the sale. Get Gs number and agree to meet for the block party the following night and a speakeasy the night after that.

G and P bail, and while I was unable to escalate physically, I did feel good about my ability to convince em to come and get a number. I goto the hotel bar and am gabbing with randoms and meet T, who is an unbelievably hot Asian chick; really a nine or 9.5 same shit, hugging me, telling me she loved my style. She’s got a huge diamond on, but goddamn she feels soft in my grasp as we say goodbye.

Texting with G the next day and meet her and P to watch a tech competition and then we hit block party. Alcohol and food trucks; G is giving me the arm punch when I tease her, taunts me into getting my arm dyed with others, and asking me about my politics, beliefs and shit. (?). We seem to be hitting it off but what do I know? Light touching only.

I’m getting stopped and complimented repeatedly by randoms about my clothes and green John Lennon glasses. Again see a bunch of girls I’d introduced myself to and big fun. This edm guy starts playing drums and guitar and this shit and it’s time to dance. I cannot get G to come with me and break apart from P. They are like conjoined twins! Three times I ask this girl to dance and she ain’t coming so I bail on em and hit it; dance with a few randoms including a wildly hot Mexican In a tight red t shirt.

Music stops, I go find G and P and offer up additional fun. They say they’re gonna crash; I offer once more to G specifically, But she’s gonna go. She’s gazing at me walking away, and I’m pretty sure she knows what’s in my mind. She’s smiling, but waking away. Fuck it.

Go back to the hotel bar and find T, she’s like”my crush!” And hugs me. (?!??). I mean, his girl is orders of magnitude hotter than any girl I’ve been with (a small number). We talk for a while. Shes with a huge group and goes. Find D and J and D from lunch earlier at the bar and we party. I liked J, but D just alpha dogged me and made his intent known so much more efficiently. D was cute as fuck, liked to smoke and curse, but had a big diamond. We party, and when I can tell I have been out maneuvered on J, I bail.

Following night I meet G, P and Ps friend at a speakeasy. We take absinthe and party. I’m sitting with G, light touching and continued teasing. We go to a food court and get pizza and bullshit some more. They wanna return to hotel, they’re gonna goto the room and talk. I grab Gs hand and ask directly if she’d like to stay at the bar with me. “I think I’m gonna call it a night.” She bails. I text her her it was great to met you, blah. Blah. Get the same dumb shit back.

I’m pretty sure this girl knew what I had in mind, and figured she’d have taken any of 2838 opportunities to eject me before spending a few hours gabbing and talking and shit. Maybe I never made my sexual intent known? Maybe she wanted validation? Maybe she just thought I was a nice guy. Brainstem hates me.

Go back to the bar and meet D and J. Here comes D and we party some more. I’m taking with J but just have no goddamn confidence I could get there. We part ways agreeing to meet at the next conference and bring it again.

T comes in with a group at like 130 and is like “my crush!” And leads off with a huge hug. Guys. Anyways, she works for the primary vendor and asks if I’d write a blog post about the conference. “You’re just such a good story teller!” I say sure and give her my card. Another hug and I’m off to bed.

The funny thing is, I literally left out at least four other chicks I approached, talked to, and traded cards/got numbers for. But I could not get anywhere but most interesting man in the room territory.

What I did right:

Approached women all week, including a successful cold approach, come crash a party with me on a two set.

Never sat down at a common breakfast, lunch, training session, regular session, or barstool without introducing myself to people around me. (I did intentionally sit at tables with girls to increase my chances to hit) (situations where everyone has a name tag are super easy to own, just start off with their name and ask em what’s up? It immediately friendly and people want to talk to someone who knows their name.).

Got numbers and / or “dates” (?) from several ringless chicks.

Danced my ass off.

Too a shit ton of alcohol, but always took n acytl cysteine and never got hung over.

Achieved “great story teller” status from an amazingly hot chick and several hot enough chicks.

Worked out four days of a six day “work” trip.

Had fun and made a ton of friends.

Persistently approached random women and complimented their style (only women who had style)

What I did wrong:

Failed to get anything physical beyond a light touch.

Failed to make my sexual intentions known. (?). I mean, is it possible G didn’t know what I was looking for from her?

Continued with date with G on Wednesday night after she bailed on Tuesday. (?). She was hot, was I confusing that and general interest with actual intent?

Failed to get laid.

I’m Missing a critical piece here. What is it?

PS: thanks for reading this far.