How do you set the terms of a relationship once you've gamed them? are there methods of keeping distance and attraction without being heartless?

sakuyuichiro · 2013-01-29T18:04:22+00:00

Think what the OP wants to know is once you got the girl, how do you keep it good with them by establishing them as FWB rather than a guy who is trying to get in a relationship with that girl.

Well my friend, that is a tough question. Generally I would tell you that you should be looking for a girl YOU want to be in a relationship with instead of a guy who sleeps with different random girls. But, if you must be a player then what I recommend is you to be very careful and set the tone right, nothing beats honesty. You tell them you want a casual relationship and not anything serious, this can also lead to the girl pursuing you more aggressively or the girl just dropping the relationship. YOU MUST BE PREPARED FOR THAT. Of course you will step on some toes but this is a must that will benefit you both. Keeping your distance and attraction comes at a cost, you will deal with a lot of text and snooping around by those girls, and the hard part comes when you are with them and other girls you are keeping a distance with are constantly texting you. Their suspicions grow and that is why what you are asking is lose/lose. Don't do it and find a girl you want to be with and if you must game tons of women, you better set the relationship status straight with them, that you want it casual.

dkismet · 2013-01-30T00:18:14+00:00

My personal 'system' that has worked flawlessly for me:

I like to establish a sexual relationship as soon as possible. Never call face-to-face encounters 'dates' only 'hangouts'. This sets a casual but sexual frame.

I keep contact limited. I do not reply to their text messages promptly, and try to keep texting conversations relatively short, or at least spread out. I set the frame that 'I'm a busy person with lots of friends/responsibilities/hobbies/etc, and only have so much free time to share".

I only contact them directly once/twice per week, usually to talk briefly and setup the next hangout. If they contact me I'll entertain them a bit but try not to drag it on too long (note: this is after sex). I only visit them once per week. During that time, I usually take them on 'adventures', or just hangout, and follow with sexy time.

My reasoning here is that women develop feelings over time. They also lose feelings over time as well. The more frequently you spend time with her, the faster her feelings will increase, and more more frequent you spend time apart it allows those feelings to relax.

Seeing her once a week also give her something to be excited about, and keeps her on edge, knowing she doesn't fully have you. It also gives you time to go out and meet and date other women and carry on with your own personal life activities. When you are seeing 3 women once per week and still meeting more, life is good, you have a great cycle going!

When you see each other and have sex, feelings will grow. During the rest of the week, when you are out of sight/ out of mind. Feelings will fade. This keeps up a cycle where she can't 'fall in love with you' because she's constantly distracted by other things in life, as well as uncertain for how much you really care for her. (no one wants to invest more than they are being invested in)

At this rate of interaction I've found it take about 8-14 weeks for women to become attached. By that time you will have spent enough time together to know if you want to pursue a relationship, or at least have another girl or two lined up as a replacement.

IMO: this is a honest way of dating. It protects the girl from getting too emotionally involved (thus preventing hurting if things end), and also allows you to appreciate eachother's company without implying a permanent relationship. Obviously if the girl gets attached within week 1-2 you need to get out of the interaction ASAP as it will only get worse. It also keeps you communicating how not needy you are by no need to rush into a more emotionally charged interaction. leave that stuff for the long term relationships.

time_and_again · 2013-01-30T06:37:15+00:00

Advice I've gotten is to not assume any sort of monogamy unless you've specifically talked about it. See a girl as often as you like, but don't overdo it and keep pursuing other options. As long as she's not expecting exclusivity, there's no problem.

I've always gotten a bit hung up on concerns about being exclusive too soon, so I'm trying to avoid letting that trip me up. It's a hard pill to swallow, brought up the way I was.

syseddit · 2013-01-30T12:19:02+00:00

Before I have sex with someone, I tell them, I want to do this, but I am not looking for a girlfriend. I have never been turned down.

AreYouEvenMoist · 2013-01-29T23:25:08+00:00

Honesty is your allie. That is the sole factor for my FWB's

SoAnxious · 2013-01-29T17:54:29+00:00

Pursue other women. /thread

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