A totally shitfaced friend of mine pissed of this bartender girl I've had my eyes on. Do you think I can still make this work?

pooflinga · 2010-06-25T15:57:16+00:00

You probably still have a chance, but I must warn you.. When you work somewhere that you make tips, you make it a habit to flirt with everyone (It makes you better tips!) Where I work I have been caught flirting with clearly un-attractive girls before just because I wanted that extra tip.

AveofSpades · 2010-06-25T21:26:59+00:00

Easy fix. Go talk to her and convey your apology on behalf of your friend. However, you went to this establishment with this guy, so there is social value involved. Don't shit on your friend! Don't justify his behavior, but say something to the effect of how he's going through a really rough time: he caught his wife cheating; just found out he was adopted; etc etc. You took him out because you're a considerate guy, and in the course of your fun, this guy went all douchenozzle due to excess booze. Offer to make it up to her by showing her something unique, interesting, and unconventional unique to you. DHV.

MageYouLook · 2010-07-02T13:35:37+00:00

Do you think I still have a chance with this girl?

Why should you care? Go open another 5 sets. Play it cool and be prepared in case something happens - but do not focus on her (or on anybody else). Pinpointing a target is a sure ticket to fail.

impotent_rage · 2010-06-26T17:54:57+00:00

and everybody looked at me like I was the douchebag,

You sure about that? One thing I've come to realize, over time, is that I am not responsible for the behavior of others, even if they are clearly "with" me. And that if I don't assume responsibility for their behavior, then others won't assign the blame to me by association.

I think it's human nature to automatically blush and then apologize whenever someone in our company acts poorly. But why? If you stop and think about it, have you ever witnessed, say, a husband and wife where the husband was yelling and making a scene and abusing a customer service person, while the wife looked on, completely embarrassed and petrified and frozen in place. What were your thoughts upon witnessing that scene? Were you thinking "What the hell is wrong with that woman that she'd be with such an asshole?" Or were you thinking, "That poor woman, having to put up with his sorry ass, I can only imagine what she has to deal with at home if he acts this way in public." It's likely the second...and you aren't blaming her for the way he acted, and you aren't assuming that she agrees with his behavior simply because she is with him.

So, next time someone in your company behaves badly, erase the voices in your head that tell you that everyone is judging you for having such a loser friend. Instead, replace them with voices saying that everyone has been in the situation you are in - aka, finding themselves in the company of someone behaving badly - and they can understand and sympathize with what a bad position that puts you in. And this is general advice - usually, when someone with you behaves poorly, just totally stay out of it. Don't apologize on their behalf, because it suggests that you somehow endorsed it or have enough influence to change it, which you don't. Don't try to speak "for" them to soften what they say "What he means is..." Don't openly berate the person in order to demonstrate to onlookers that you don't approve (maybe you need to say something to calm him down, but don't do it for the benefit of those listening). All of the above convey insecurity. Instead, just, know that his behavior is his problem, and don't make it your problem, and don't assume it reflects on you at all.

To get specific though, in this situation, I would have still gone up and talked to the girl. But I wouldn't have talked to her in the sense of apologizing for your friend, because you aren't responsible for what he did. Instead I would have talked to her in an empathizing/commiserating sort of way. "Ugh its so annoying when people can't hold their alcohol, but I'm sure you see that all the time working in a bar, people who turn into a raging asshole once they've had so many drinks in them. I don't understand people like that at all, why anyone would let it get so out of control!" Something like that. Something like a "we're in this together, we both know how annoying it is when we have to babysit the alchies". Then you could have stepped in and taken care of your friend as needed, redirected him away from the drama he had created, you could have even paid for his beer, but all the while throwing the girl "knowing" glances, rather than apologetic ones. Like, glances that say, "Ugh this gets so old doesn't it?" rather than glances that say "I am so, so, so, so sorry"

lolnogame · 2010-06-25T15:33:53+00:00

I think that if anything, it gives you a good reason to talk to her. Just go apologize for his behavior and say you're really embarrassed, etc...

then you can drop the old "so if you're not rediculously mad at me, do you want to hang sometime?"

Title	A totally shitfaced friend of mine pissed of this bartender girl I've had my eyes on. Do you think I can still make this work?
Author	rico_tubbs
Upvotes	0
Comments	19
Date	June 25, 2010 3:02 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ciyqm/a_totally_shitfaced_friend_of_mine_pissed_of_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-totally-shitfaced-friend-of-mine-pissed-of-this.1310729 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310729

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