Sticking points

BishopMoves · 2010-09-26T22:08:39+00:00

This was all over the last couple of weeks? Well, Kudos to you for keeping at it.

Just to clarify, are you literally asking girls "What did I do to make you not attracted to me?" If you are... stop it. Attraction isn't logical so you won't get a logical answer. Even if she finds a logical answer, she probably wouldn't tell it to you. And asking it just makes you sound pathetic.

PS I'm just getting started so this is based more on hearsay and thought experiments than personal experience. But seriously, don't do it.

intjpua · 2010-09-26T22:09:34+00:00

I told her some stuff that happened over four years ago that i just wouldn't feel right not telling and her gpa died.

So, your old baggage killed her granddad? Yeah, I'd stop talking to you, too.

Seriously, though, unless your four year old baggage involves incurable STDs (herpes or HIV or children), you don't need to talk about it with a girl you aren't serious about. That's your problem, and you need to carry it by yourself for the time being. You're unloading because you want to lighten the burden on yourself...not because you're being chivalrous. Heavy things in your past that don't effect her are not things you need to talk about.

another girl said she wasn't in the right mindset to date

You weren't attractive to her. She was being nice.

girl wanted to fuck me then says " I'm not as attracted to you as I thought I was"

You weren't attractive to her. She was being honest.

girl said "I'm just not feeling that spark"

You weren't attractive to her. She was being nice.

And, so on...

OK, so, are you repulsive for some reason? Obese, unclean, smell bad, gross teeth, anything like that? If so, fix it. Get well groomed. .Get clothes that fit, and get to the gym to work on the weight. Whatever. You don't have to be a beautiful specimen of a man to be attractive to women, even very attractive women, but you do need to be well-groomed, decently dressed in clothes that fit, not smell bad, and have good hygiene.

But, all of these responses can happen even if you're actually pretty good looking. It all comes down to your attitude.

You haven't really given us a lot to go on, but your brief missive reminds me of an old friend of mine. His problem was he was an absolute sad sack. He complained about everything, viewed the world as being a hard place to exist in, and assumed that no one really liked him. He had some cool stuff going for him, too, but you really had to get to know him to find it and get him past his feelings of inadequacy. Most quality girls are simply not going to put in that time (and who can blame them; I can have lots of friends, but if I only got to pick one, it certainly wouldn't have been the sad sack...same thing with girls and boyfriends, they tend to be very selective, even if they're dating more than one guy).

So, I'm guessing your four year old baggage is that you have serious depression and maybe tried to hurt yourself or otherwise fucked up big time in your life. Presumably your depression is now somewhat managed with drugs or therapy? If not, get some of that going on.

Beyond that, read and practice. Your current failures probably do have lessons for you to learn, but you haven't given us anything to go on. You haven't told us what you did or said that broke the attraction. Maybe you don't really know, or maybe you're really shy or embarrassed about it. You'll have to be honest with yourself, anyway, in order to get it straightened out before the next girl. If you aren't learning from each interaction, you aren't getting anything out of it...so, be brutally honest with yourself, so you can learn and grow.

2010-09-27T01:17:47+00:00

Try and show more social proof. You need not just to focus on one-on-one game, but game with groups of people. Find out the group that these girls hang out with (in a nonaggressive way) and introduce yourself to her friends. Women will sometimes feel ashamed that they fell for a man they are hesitant that their friends will accept. If you can win over her friends/social group, you'll be golden. You should make it so she'll BRAG to them about how you ravished her.

mysedditaccount · 2010-09-27T03:24:41+00:00

Busy girl: this could still work out. If I were you I wouldn't go into the stuff that happened four years ago that early in the relationship (if at all). It looks like emotional baggage and really you should have moved on. If you feel its important to bring it up, do it after six months or something.

Regardless, if this relationship doesn't work out, I don't think its because you talked about this incident four years ago. I feel like you are missing something in the seduction model because it seems like you are getting held back at the same point with each of these relationships. There is initial attraction, which is good. That's the first thing that needs to happen--she needs to be attracted to you and I think you are accomplishing this initial step. Then, you need to qualify her, ie show her why you are attracted to her (not based on looks, things like a good outlook or positive energy or something). Girls need to feel like you have a special connection with them. The qualification phase is about bringing out their positive qualities and using them as examples for why you like them. Perhaps this is where you are lacking. After attraction and qualification, you can move onto building comfort and seduction. My feeling is that you are stalling at the qualification phase.

Read Magic Bullets if you haven't already.

ThrowawayPUA · 2010-09-26T22:05:06+00:00

What did you tell her about the stuff 4 years ago that was such a turnoff? If it's so important that you tell her, is it more important than having the woman still speaking to you? And what is this about her "gpa died?" Did her grade point average suddenly drop? I don't understand what is going on here. How could we, without more context? Just what are you doing with these women? We can only guess.

Title	Sticking points
Author	punkerdante182
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	September 26, 2010 9:45 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dj7hj/sticking_points/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/sticking-points.1311957 https://theredarchive.com/post/1311957

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