Disaster night

RalphLeMeow · 2010-09-30T11:41:19+00:00

so you made a mistake, and now you know better. you had some experience, learned something, mission accomplished. don't add it to your rejection list, add it to your lessons-learned list

don't even mess with negs. very light teasing is good, followed up by sweetness.

negs are not really useful after you've already moved in close like that. at that point it should be all about building comfort. she said something nice, you respond with nice.

negs are useful when you want to not seem like you are chasing her, when you want to state that you aren't even after her. then she responds by showing some interest which you then accept and reward.

and in all likelihood it wasn't just that you said those words, but how you delivered it and what the energy/emotional communication was at the time.

or she was just looking for an excuse to break it off after having got her drink, checked you out and had her ego pumped up a bit. since she said "You can pay since..." she's manipulative. girls have more experience because they get hit on much more than a guy hits on girls. they play the game better. its just a game

2010-09-30T13:39:08+00:00

This was your first time and you blew it up?

That's what you would expect from a first time, wouldn't you?

That was great! You learned something and approached a girl. Keep going. Rome wasn't built in an hour.

PUAMinny · 2010-09-30T15:42:59+00:00

You went with the obvious, pump-yourself-up response. You could have gotten away with it, but clearly your delivery came off mean instead of flirty.

Instead of, "You're so young, just like I like them." "You're too old for me, I don't know if you can keep up with me."

Maybe, "So are you some sort of cougar?" or "I don't know if I can keep up with an older woman." but you HAVE TO smile and spoon-feed it to her that you are being flirty.

Good luck mate.

RobJudge · 2010-09-30T14:05:25+00:00

Hey man, first of all congrats for getting out there and trying what you read. You should take pride in that as a lot of guys who read this stuff don't even get past the first approached.

In terms of a critique, I can only speak from personal experience, but I tried EVERYTHING and I had plenty of nights like yours, where a "misfired" neg or tease sent an otherwise good interaction straight to shit.

I'd recommend trying a new approach since this one doesn't seem congruent to who you are. Negging women is a recipe for disaster IMO. (Keep in mind, I've come to the conclusion that most pickup artist material is designed more to impress men than it is to actually land you women.) Try and approach that allows you to be more genuine and say/do what you want to do, and what you know is right.

Personally, if a girl said to me "Young guys, just the way I like em" I would've made out with her on the spot. It sounded to me like you hit what I call "the waypoint" (the moment when a woman decides she's attracted enough to have sex with you) and you completely blew it by insulting her. She didn't even reject you; her pride made retreat. She probably replayed the situation of what YOU said to her in HER head for the rest of the night and also felt shitty. No worries, just learn from your mistakes. And don't neg people. Ever.

new_player · 2010-09-30T13:47:13+00:00

It's not what you said but how you said it. Were you flirty, with a wry smile as the words came out or were you just blunt? If she was noticeably older you could have left out the "you're too old" part and just gone with the "think you can keep up?". Either way though good for you for trying and as mentioned already live and learn - you don't know her enough to be emotionally invested when she rejects you. Just don't care. There are billions of women out there. One isn't worth getting upset over.

insickness · 2010-09-30T13:49:30+00:00

Hey Man,

Congratulations. You fucked up. There's no way to learn without taking some risks. You did a good thing. As long as you are out there taking risks, things like this will happen.

This feels like a "disaster" because of your emotional state. You feel embarassed/rejected over what happened. Most likely you are ruminating over this, thinking about it over and over again. Every time that happens you re-trigger the initial sting and beat yourself up for having taken that risk.

That's bad because the more you beat yourself up, the less likely you are to take risks in the future. In other words, it kills your confidence.

You keep thinking about what you could have done differently. But before you do that, you need to look at what you did right. You initiated conversation. You brought that girl over to your table. You did a lot of good things. Focus on that.

Try some affirmations. Every time you think about this, tell yourself, I did fucking awesome.

Once you're feeling better about this situation, only then start to ask yourself, what could I have done differently?

You actually didn't do too badly. What you said just hit way too hard. It was a good idea to tease her a bit. You probably would have been better off turning to her with a smile and saying "Oh my god, I'm not a piece of meat. I feel so objectified!" But you would want to make it clear you're joking.

And the idea to neg her in this way isn't all bad. I've said things like "Are you sure you can keep up with me?" to older women. Women are very very sensitive about their age. That doesn't mean you can't go there, it just means you want to tread carefully.

Eric

ArMcK · 2010-09-30T21:41:35+00:00

Man, give equal time focusing on the positives you did! Learn from your mistakes but check out that nice sense of accomplishment you get from the things you did right!

You made changes in your life (gym etc.), you went out, you approached, you opened, regardless how it went off you had an answer for one of her shit tests! You did a helluva lot better than I did my first time out after an LTR.

somethingisburning · 2010-10-01T00:42:30+00:00

Cheers for going out first of all. Age negs and weight negs are very very tricky to keep from blowing up. After a long while of teasing friends of mine, I've figured out a way to say almost anything I want to a girl, whether I've known her for years or minutes, and (usually) not get slapped. In the middle of the comment, right as I get to the actual neg part, I let a wide grin come over my face. Following this with a quick eye roll and/or cock of the eyebrow, they seem to figure out that I'm teasing them and laugh it off. It takes some practice, but once you've cultivated it, you'd be surprised with what you can get away with saying.

2010-10-01T14:42:24+00:00

In the future, don't tell a girl you want to hook up with that she's too fat for you either. Or too ugly.

ymrhawk · 2010-09-30T10:46:01+00:00

You did blow it, you should never insult a woman. And for girls, where age is a sensitive issue, you doubly blew it. Before you go out again, watch some Cary Grant movies and learn how to show some class.

Title	Disaster night
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	September 30, 2010 10:11 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dkxqf/disaster_night/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/disaster-night.1312029 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312029

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