Of Love and Need

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March 26, 2014

You know that “love” feeling? Of course you do. It’s that lump in your stomach, the pitter-patter of your heart. The constantly thinking of her, longing for her, waiting for her texts and so on. We all know it; Every man has been through it more times than he cares to count. Some of you are going through it at this very moment. We call that feeling “love”, but really, it’s a simple biological process. Your body releases dopamine and much like any other drug, it alters your moods, behaviors, perceptions, and so on.

I don’t call that feeling “love” anymore. I call it “need” because in the past, it’s done nothing but make me behave like a needy little beta. See, when we’re drowning in dopamine, head over heels in love, we start to act like fools. We’ll ditch our friends to spend just a moment with the target of our affection. We’ll do things we wouldn’t normally do, against our better judgment. We’ll put up with things we shouldn’t. We put the woman on a pedestal and let her walk all over us. Anything to get the next fix. The result of this supplicating behavior is the woman’s loss of respect for you. You aren’t the solid rock of a man she needs, you’re a needy chump who is taking value from her and letting her tell you who you are.

Your relationship then suffers. She loses interest in you. She no longer wants to have sex. She’s detached and how does the needy, lovesick fool boy respond? He panders to her further, trying desperately to make her happy and reignite that need fire he thinks is love. He hands over complete control and is under her spell. Whatever her whimsical little desires, he is there to fulfill them. She doesn’t actually value anything he does for her, she just wants to see how high she can make the monkey jump and she loses more respect for him every time he does. He becomes her puppet and she toys with him, takes what she needs until she tires of this game or attracts the attention of another man. Then she’s gone and you’re heartbroken. Eventually your love feelings will fade and you’ll start to recover from your addiction, however, you’ll soon meet another woman who shows interest in you and that feeling will come back with a vengeance. You’ll start this crazy "love" roller coaster all over again.

It’s time to break the cycle. You must learn to control and temper that fire so you aren’t engulfed in it. Taking control starts by recognizing the feeling, acknowledging that it’s there, that it’s simply a drug and that it’s striving to pull you in. Knowing what you are dealing with is a huge first step in learning to control it.

Here’s the truth: Every man has a driving need to be validated, accepted and loved unconditionally. To be told that, yes, I am a man, I am important, I am valued, I am needed. Most of us look to women to fulfill this need and to define us as men, but a woman can’t define a man! The entire notion is ludicrous! She has no basis for understanding what it is to be a man. She can’t tell you who you are and she can't fulfill these needs. Nobody can. Nobody, that is, except you. See, when you learn to love yourself just the way you are - to know, without a doubt, that you are one amazing motherfucker - that's when this "love hole" inside of you will be truly filled. When that happens, you will have the ability to love and cherish a woman while setting boundaries and being true to yourself. You won't need a woman by your side in order to feel like a man and you’ll be able to approach a relationship without that needy, supplicating love bullshit. When you can be with a woman out of desire as opposed to need, you'll be able to drop it like it's hot and walk the fuck away when she starts toying with you and unleashing the emotional torment they're all so very good at wielding.

How do you learn to love yourself? Well, that's for you to find out. Google is your friend. There are countless self-help web sites, books, forums, and so on, some good and some total shit. Use your powers of observation to figure out which advice to take and which to reject. Trust your instinct. Practice the advice presented here on how to better yourself. Read IllimitableMan’s posts, this guy knows his shit. Take a break from women and work on yourself. Eat right, lift, get in shape, get a job, go to college, travel the world, take risks, start a business, make money, find a hobby. Do what you love, love what you do. This is a journey that will take you the rest of your life, but it's your journey. It's your life. Go live it.

Just remember that love feeling. When it comes up, temper it with a healthy dose of reality, remind yourself of just who you are and what you're worth, and know that while a woman can make you feel great, she can never love you like you can love you.

Good luck, brothers.

TL;DR: Love yourself first.

Post Information
Title Of Love and Need
Author 1independentmale
Upvotes 62
Comments 16
Date 26 March 2014 06:49 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/13121
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/21fq9o/of_love_and_need/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaliftgamethe red pillpedestal

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is true in a new relationship or in a 20 year marriage. Each time you have sex the dopamine rush softens your hard Alpha into a whiny, cringing Beta. It is a lifetime struggle against the addiction of love. At least with TRP now we understand the pattern and consequences as you nicely stated.

[–]carrotplanter11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not gonna lie, as soon as I bust a nut I want to be the little spoon

[–]inb4war[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Really? My brain almost instantly goes to "I wonder what my mates are doing...how can I get the fuck out of here"

LTR or ONS same result.

[–]Endorsed ContributorBluepillProfessor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not try to bend the spoon, instead, realize the deeper reality.

There is no spoon.

[–]1nrokchi8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dopamine and oxytocin*.

[–]Dat_Black_Guy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

dont forget serotonin

[–]1nrokchi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Serotonin doesn't cause pattern building behaviour as it isn't part of the feed back loop (i.e., nucleus acumbens, ventral tagmental area).

[–]wishIcared4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I recognize my girlfriend is a temptress wishing to vacuum the life essence out of me.

You have to be in control, focused and rational to play with fire and not get burnt.

[–]HomeHeatingTips3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The problem isn't the dopamine, It's the lack of it. It is just like being addicted to alcohol or drugs, and quitting cold turkey. I should know I just went through this myself and I honestly felt sick to my stomach, cold chills, sweating, ect when she ignored me and I thought she was with someone else. No woneder they call it oneitis because it can be a real sickness for some of us.

[–]Solonzzo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Disengage - this concept should be advised more often. Say: a girl you like, have invested time, took to dates and she still cold? Drop that plate, disengage. Say: a girlfriend is non reciprocal, shows little to no affection, worse you just seen to not matter to her. What do you do? DISENGAGE!!

[–]FemtoG[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are a pillar. She is a tornado spinning around you. The pillar needs to be strong. It can't get knocked down by the tornado. And it especially can't get caught up in the tornado.

[–]Chinny4daWinny2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh dear god. I remember last year when I wrote my ex an essay longer than my essay for my world history test.

Nine hundred and eighty-six words.

Fuck that helpless feeling man. Everything the media teaches you about sharing your deepest feelings doesn't work. It only makes her see you as weak and as emotionally unstable as she is which repulses her.

[–]Senorbubbz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

And the funny part is she makes you emotionally unstable with all the shit tests. Or at least that's what it's like when you're beta.

Also, thank you for the post OP, reminded me that I am everything I could ever want to be already, even if it hasn't fully manifested yet. Great post.

[–]slomotionhighscore2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So clear, so helpful. Thank you.

Let your guard down on the helm of your ship and you can guarantee that you'll fall into her whirlpool, drown and end up with a crushed frame.

Which just made me realize, that fundamentally a woman is a hole.

Now, I know that sounds vulgar in pretty much the highest degree but obscenity almost always cloaks a deeper truth.

I'd like to float the ship at sea analogy.

A man is dry, above water, a buoyant rod with a potential to be both submerged and sunk. A woman is wet, a whirlpool that spins uncontrollably in contempt of its own need to be filled. A whirlpool will gobble whatever it can get its rapids around with total indifference. The whirlpool is not aware of its deadly strength to sink ships.

A man must hold his frame or succumb to the whirlpool of the woman. A woman that swallows a ship and crushes its frame has no other choice but to spit you out without cause. In fact it is not even a choice. It is a process. You've been digested and you must find your way to the surface and build a stronger ship.

A woman is fundamentally a whirlpool that only has the tiniest inkling of her power. This is why she becomes wet and you become hard. Having her means entering her and being able to remove yourself from the rapids before your frame is crushed.

'Love' is the undertow. Women (whirlpools) are everywhere as far as the eye can see and your sail can carry you.

The more sail (sales / money / time to build a stronger ship) you can hoist, the more often you can dip into this whirlpool or that without being crushed.

Woman are holes in the sea. You're not spinning plates you're sailing a sea full of reverse water spouts.

If you have a galleon made of balsa wood (the PUA) the whirlpool will crush you.

The most important thing to remember and the source of male reason is that the whirlpool does not crush out of need or desire to crush the frames of multiple ships. It is not a sport. It cannot do anything else but be wet, dangerous and constant until it turns a certain age and loses its draw.

Feminine attractiveness equates to the gravitational force of the vortex. An extremely hot woman for you in particular could be considered a maelstrom, the most dangerous whirlpool in the sea.

A healthy long term relationship can only succeed when the frame of the ship is able to dip beneath her waves without completely going under. Just like the back side of two magnets that cannot touch - the tension between the pulling force, the vortex, the whirlpool (woman) and the frame of the ship, freedom, independence, the ramming bow (man) is what makes it work.

In this sense 'love' according to OP is the process of 'play drowning'. Of going all the way under water into her folds. If you cannot hold your frame, return to the surface and command the ship from the helm after doing so, YOU WILL SINK and be forgotten by the vortex forever. What use is a ship underwater? Will be her only indifferent logic.

Another captain will approach the gravity of her pull and the dance begins again. If he is a strong captain (alpha) he will be able to enter and leave at will even when the rip tide is vicious / viscous , he can steer his way to the surface and surf her wave.

A woman can ONLY be love itself. The waves, the whirlpool, death, life, adventure, the undertow all in one. No thinking, no cunning, only pull. The more fertile the heavier the pull. Post wall funnels have little to no gravitational vortex.

I'll work on this some other time soon and clean it up. I guess I'm tired of hearing about 'plates'

TL;DR: Women are holes in the ocean. Man is captain of the frame of his ship. Be careful. Don't get crushed.

[–]magx011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wish my brother had listened to this type of talk (I tried) because he knocked up his latest "life partner" (seriously) after 3 months of dating.

[–]1FloranHunter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Odd that I fall in love so intensely but never have control problems. So far each time I've been hopelessly beta but that was my baseline.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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