I can risk my own life in a number of activities (skydiving, down hill mountainbiking, wouldn't hesitate to join my country's armed forces in Afghansitan) but I'm dead scared of talking to women when outside work, thus leading me to a lonely life #fml

cookin_dodie · 2011-02-15T05:37:29+00:00

You shouldn't be sorry about anything. It takes courage to put yourself out here the way you just did. Having a fear of approaching the opposite sex is totally normal. I had the same fear for a long time (and I'm still pretty shy around attractive men).

My suggestion is this: Instead of going to bars to meet complete strangers, go to house parties or group events with friends. It's far easier to speak to a friend-of-a-friend that to approach a random stranger. If you do go to a bar, arrange a happy hour with friends, where all of you invite other friends. It'll give you a sense of security while you're meeting new people.

Moreover, the chances of being rejected or treated badly are greatly reduced when you're meeting people your friends know.

2011-02-15T04:46:35+00:00

I've been to a CBT-therapist but I have a problem with lessons such as "go out and say hello to 10 different women" since I've developed a social phobia when it comes to striking up a conversation with a woman when I have an intent (however subconsious) to engage in some form of romantic relationship.

So start with an easier problem. Go out and say hello to 10 old ladies.

Anyway, your therapist knows much more about you and can help you more than we can. Follow their advice, if it doesn't work please ask more specific questions.

RedErin · 2011-02-15T14:31:44+00:00

Listen man, we understand what you're going though. Most of us have been there. I've been there. That's why we came here. Stick around here for a while and study. Then go out practicing.

Here's my favorite beginners thread.

bangthemermaid · 2011-02-15T14:33:55+00:00

man... you just haven't started yet. adrenalin seekers are just the right people to do the most insane cold approaches. Once you start and get over it, there will be no stopping you. It's like jumping out of a plane or a steep slope or whatever. The only difference is that the field is a different one. You'll win some and loose some, but it's always an amazing rush to make that decision, to overcome your fear and to go do it. Then you'll see that not much bad can come out of it. worst case scenario is something along the lines of: gtfo. that's it.

taraka · 2011-02-15T08:45:35+00:00

Same here, I'm not interested in them I can talk fine.

if I'm attracted I have nothing to say.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-02-15T23:00:43+00:00

You might like the book Intimate Connections, it's CBT based self-therapy for intimacy issues. Several sedditors with issues like yours have said the book helped with their inner game and recommended it highly.

Comments