EDIT: Part 2 is here

tl;dr: Your FWB, if you have the right arrangement and attitudes, is your best wing and you are hers. She's also your best opportunity to practice outcome independence, resulting in improved, sustainable state, which in turn results in you looking, feeling, and being awesome.

Hi Everyone,

I had a couple of interesting experiences clubbing with an HB8 FWB of mine recently that I'd like to share, along with the conclusion I drew from them.

DISCLAIMER: This is FR is not intended to showcase my game, or how it applied to getting her into bed after a two year hiatus from being FWB. We're good friends regardless of whether we're fucking (we were both in LTR's for a while, hence the hiatus). What it's intended for is to highlight the value of having a FWB to your ability to truly feel outcome independent, as the title implies. Of course, feeling outcome independent is a key element in maintaining state, which, in turn, is key to your overall game. So I hope this might help some of you.

OTHER DISCLAIMER: Noobs, AFC's and others in dry spell may reap little short term benefit from this post, as of course, if you're not getting any, then you probably don't have much use currently for the insight I offer. It may, however help out down the road, or maybe even help you prevent your FWB situations from getting complicated, so please read on!

Here we go.

I is important to realize from the get-go that the true definition of friend with benefits is "a person you're friends with who you can fuck with no strings attached". That sounds obvious, but consider the definitions of these key words:

1) "Friends". To me, these are people I not only NEVER fuck with, but YOU'D also better not. I go to bat for them. I'm there for them. I keep my promises to them. I'd take a bullet for them. Heck, I might even shoot bullets for them if they wanted me too. I expect the same in return.

2) "No Strings Attached". A metaphor for the absence of obligations related to emotions, particularly ones related to romantic feeling held by one party toward the other, or mutually. Naturally, the majority of FWB scenarios end when it comes to pass that strings are attached. You know these stories. The flipside is to say that it is rare and difficult to sustain FWB arrangements for a long time. I know the only one I ever had for a long time blew up in my face. The others terminated for reasons beyond anyone's control, and these are individuals with whom I'm still fast friends.

So friends with benefits essentially means someone you care for platonically, but can, in theory, have sexual relations with without the care becoming non-platonic. It's important to realize the role of the friendship is very important here; You must know that the only way to keep the strings unattached is to have the type of open and clear communication that only real friends can have. Then you can hammer out your specific rules (sound a li'l strict, but y'know...) by which you keep things cool.

So me and my HB8, we have this. When we go clubbing together, no one owes anyone any sort of exclusive attention; if she's hitting on dudes (or getting hit on), she'll usually let me know out of consideration. At that point, I offer to leave, to wing, or to AMOG. She is always surprised and impressed at my willingness to step aside. That's not being Beta, IMO. It's Alpha as Fuck to not care whether I take someone home, and an HB FWB is an excellent opportunity to practice being a value giving individual who will help his friend out by some combination of helping them look good, keeping them out of trouble, and getting out of their way...or perhaps fucking them later, but not really caring about that enough to let it stop him from performing the above duties.

Think about it. We have fun together. We laugh and smile and we don't give a fuck who thinks what. We are the party. We look great because we're so awesome. We've had sex before, and it probably shows through in our awesomeness and kino. We're so awesome that other people in the room want us, and we can wing each other. We can fail together and go home and have sex, or either or both of us can succeed, and we're both so invested in the principle of "willingness to let go" and the end of the night, that we can, each or either, go home alone feeling completely ok Nonethelss.

We were out clubbing a few days ago, and at just about closing time we ran into a group of AMOGs, among a couple of aquaintances, one of whom is HB10 who I've lusted after (read: A.F.C. - Too scary beautiful for a chump like me to close. Hopefully this changes). All hand are outside smoking at this point. I immediately make niceties and do some rapport building with HB10. She seems receptive to me, as she always has...moving too slow facepalm. I go into full value-giver mode and introduce myself to the 3-4 new guys as well as introduce them to HB's 8 and 10. Back to telling stories and having fun. I have successfully merged sets and displayed non-threatening and non-threatened traits to the AMOG's. I'm feeling pretty alpha, having walked into all this with my HB8 and handled the unexpected schmooze with some charm, wit and sociability.

HB8 comes to me inside while I'm talking to someone else (shoulda been the HB10, I know), and tells me she's considering sleeping with one of the AMOG's that night. She likes him, he's offered to buy us a round of drinks, and she "wants to get ravaged". Dude comes along, asks us what we drink, fails to get drink, either because he a) didn't mean it, and was gauging my willingness to let him buy her one, thereby determining our status, or b) missed last call.

Almost got a free beer from AMOG. No matter. I'm still awesome.

Now he's isolated her from me - only a few feet away, mind you, but it's crowded. Heck, maybe she's isolated him. In any case, she already had my permission to go full steam ahead. My only question at this point was whether to wing, AMOG, or bail. I bide my time, as the dude sends my douche-meter through the roof. She's a smart girl, she'll probably agree, at which time I may be needed for the AMOG in me.

As it stands, I may have lost my HB8. No matter. I've slept with her. I will again. I'm awesome, and HB10 sees me being awesome and not worried about what's happening with the arm candy I walked in with. Points. Social proof, pre-selection. Sociability. Fun. Outcome-Independence!

DING! TKO in round one. Poor guy cockblocked himself by giving HB8 his business card and generally DHV'ing too much, and without enough social proof. His kino and other body language may also have been lacking, but I was not in a position to watch them closely. Remember. I'm outcome independent. I was busy being awesome, but making an occasional glance toward them to inform my eventual decision between the above options.

IMPORTANT:

If you're gonna stay, do it because your FWB may still need to reap the benefits of your awesomeness. NOT because you give a fuck whether he gets her or you do. You are outcome independent. You are a value giver. If he's a douche, you owe it to her to help her get out if she needs it. If he's not and she's his, you owe it to her to wing or fuck off. If you wing him well, you've made a friend. You are not competing with him. If you choose to point out the douche-itude to her, don't over do it, or you're just cockblocking. It's her decision and you're not selling yourself here.

So she's come back to hang with awesome me. How awesome is that?

We didn't stick around for long after that. It was cab-time for home, so we leave together, say goodnight to everyone and are off to awesome bed.

Afterword: HB8 finds HB10 hot as balls. HB8 is bi-sexual and we talked about a 3-way before. Now, we're talking about it again. Bet your ass on another FR from me if any efforts are made in this area. Meantime, I look forward to your comments, and to sharing part two of this FR, which takes place just last night.

EDIT 1: This is quite the wall. I'll be coming back to re-format here and there for improved readability. EDITS 2-INF: Formatting.