Seddit,

This is going to be long, and I apologize but I have no where else to turn for insight into this sort of thing.

I read a post on here a couple of days ago, one I really identified with to a point. It was written by a guy who was brought up baptist and was wondering if he had to push for sex really soon to be successful because that really wasn’t his thing yet he was starting to feel like he’d see no success unless he did. That issue itself is not exactly my problem but that guy came on here questioning his own beliefs, his ideology with regards to women and I’ve been doing the same thing so much lately. Some background. I grew up in a somewhat abnormal home (I think?). My father is jewish and my mother is catholic. My father had 3 girlfriends and my mother had 4 boyfriends growing up. They love each other a lot. I don’t know if this is going to be too gag me or something for seddit but seriously they will be together till the day they die. The problem is that, to me at least, there’s something missing. My father does not game my mother ever. I have never in the 20 years I’ve been on this earth ever once ever seen my father so much as poke fun at my mother let alone get anywhere close to sexy. I know this sort of thing is stereotypical of jewish people to some extent but that stereotype usually includes the crazy psycho bitch control freak wife that basically owns her spouses balls, this is not the case in my home. My mother would never cross my father in any way, especially one that would strip him of his role as the man of the house. It just works. Thus I grew up thinking that that’s what a relationship is. The only thing my father ever told me about girls is that one day I’ll find one that likes me for me and thats it.

This just doesn’t seem to happen anywhere else. I learned enough game to get a girl friend, but for me it was such a tedious and fucking awful experience. I hate it and I know this is a major problem but truth is I just don’t want to. I don’t want to have to bother with all of that shit. I just want a girl who’s hot and wants to be with, and fuck the shit out of me.

...THIS IS A PIPE DREAM. And I honestly realize it. This is where I’m lost. I know that game is required to get hot girls, I know from reading here and especially from that other thread that you can’t stop gaming girls once your dating, I know that relationships probably aren’t that serious or great at my age, and I know that I have no real experience which is my greatest insecurity. The problem is that there is a huge part of me that just refuses to truly go with any of this. It just all seems so awful. I feel like I’m being so fake and untrue to myself when I flirt with girls because I feel like if they end up liking me while I do that shit then they won’t when I stop, which is what I want to do on the inside. But again thats just not possible, but yet again I hear my fathers voice in my head about some girl just liking me and then I’m set.

I want to believe him so badly, I really do. But at the same time I realize that there is no sexual energy in my house and I want that BAD. I want girls to be submissive and girly and feminine with me. But that only comes with true masculinity to balance it out. No girl is going to act like that unless I’m doing the male equivalent. BUT I just can’t do that. I have no experience and I feel like its impossible to fake that sort of sexual animal vibe when you’ve only had some terrible sex 4 times in your life. I’m 20 which is way to young to be so upset about all of this. I know that clearly I have inner game issues for sure. But I just don’t know how to tackle them. I don’t know what I have to change about my beliefs and what I can keep to be successful. Its like there’s 2 people in my head all the time. One just like my father and another who’s super ridiculously frustrated that I’m not getting my arms tied to a bed right now by some freaky babe.

There’s a part of me that feels like I’m just immature and that I’ll grow out of it and that I’m just not one of those people who will get laid all of time and that I will find some girl who I’ll be with forever. I really really want to get rid of that part of myself. I want to qualify girls to the extreme, I want to sleep with like 50 chicks, I want TO KNOW THAT I’M MARRYING THE RIGHT GIRL IF I DO GET MARRIED. What first made me start to questioning my upbringing was the day I realized my parents don’t share anything in common besides the fact that they love each other. As far as interests they couldn’t be more incompatible to me. This scares me a lot because I fear that could be me too, but I seriously feel like my inherent nature wants to steer me directly towards relationships like theirs

Seddit, What do you make of this? I know I’m crazy so besides that. How can I find the fun in all of this? because right now gaming girls is the bane of my existence. I can do it alright I guess but I never get anywhere due to some insecurity relating to the amount of experience I have. But thats a whole other thread for some other day I guess. I’m sorry for such a long read and I really appreciate it if you read the whole thing but I just kept typing.

Edit: I've got to go to bed but I'll be here tomorrow