Well, if you guys were to imagine me typing this, I am basically feeling like my dick is on a pedestal for the girls that see me. I fucking did it today. Yesterday night I was drinking with some friends and I thought it was a great idea to call every girl in my contacts and ask for sex. As of today, I now have a friend with benefits, and...and there is just so much more to say. Like....holy crap I think I broke down what confidence really is today!

It basically means that I really have to MEAN something. If it is an action of mine, I have to MEAN it (picture me with a trembling closed fist.) That way, the girl knows from the getgo that I am "with it."

I've always wondered how people tried to stay awake for days on end through sheer will. That is what I want to feel. That kind of MMPH in my everyday life. This whole idea of meaning it really gets to me.

Also, if you guys are still reading this, I discovered what Naruto was today and it is fricking hilarious and awesome.

I also noticed that I have a dangerous side of me. Yesterday night I almost choked my friend because he tried to physically stop me from calling and talking to my friends. I was drunk and I learned that the only thing that would make me very angry would be someone telling me how to live my life. I saw what my friend did yesterday as breaking the one sacred rule that I hold near and dear to my heart. Is this a bad thing? I honestly feel that if anyone gets in my way of doing what I want I would push that person out of my way. And I don't mean to an extreme. I'm not gonna do coke, i'm not gonna turn into Big Poppa Pork, the man who pimps 30 year olds near the street corner. I'm not going to mess with the law. But in terms of casual things, I walk away from someone who gets me annoyed. But the guy was persistently saying: "Dude you are drunk, etc etc" and he was trying to take my phone away from me. Like a give a fuck. Let me do what I want. Thoughts/comments on this?

Also, i am pretty sure what I am currently feeling is this sudden shift in my head, like in terms of having a small glimpse of what I can truly be capable of. I know that one day, I will have that foursome with hot models. I know the light is at the end of the tunnel and I'm just gonna have to keep on walking. I gotta focus on the goal and I know that it will come into existence. At the end of the day, it is my life to live.

Fuck lol, I'm just amazed at how far I've come. Back in my highschool days, I was that quiet creeper who chills in the library all day long because I had few friends and whatnot. Through all the frustrations and everything. Those days where I felt like shit but I still walked around trying to improve even if that improvement was 1% of 1%....man it feels good.