Compared to a lot of you, I’m a novice when it comes to pick up artistry. Much of my previous failures seem to stem from inner game problems. The past year or so I’ve dabbled in some social anxiety CBT (audio series), meditation, Buddhism, Carl Jung, Alan Watts, some PUA literature and, while there is more to be learnt (there is always more), I feel what was once intellectually comprehended is now becoming engrained into my automatic cognition and emotions. And it all seems so uncomplicated, yet as Carl Jung has put it, the most simplest of things are often the hardest to comprehend.

I was overweight until 19 years old (I’m 23 now), and I’m only beginning to realise now how gravely this affected my psyche. When I first lost weight, I believed that would be the end to all my problems – a healthier body will fix all my perceptions of reality. But this was not so: I was still passive in my intentions, socially anxious, low self-esteem. I would try to fight this off, putting fuel on a fire, to the point I would be anxious about being anxious or depressed about being depressed. I was NOT accepting the rollercoaster of emotions.

Anytime I’d feel any approach or social anxiety when it came to approaching women, I’d let it defeat me: my mind would be like “if these thoughts are still circulating in my head, then I am not better at all!” My lack of self-belief in myself is so self-fulfilling it’s not funny: it creates a passive approach in my intentions, thereby affecting the outcome (the outcome I do not want), and reinforcing my lack of self-belief and low self-esteem. Rather than taking action, I remain in my head and the very act of remaining in my head is what causes the failure. In my head rather out in the world.

From my hometown, everyone – both girls and guys – regard me as someone who is “special”, “awesome”, “intelligent” and “attractive”. Sometimes I believe this but sometimes I don’t. But I used to have this perception if these facts about myself from others were so true, why don’t I have girls all over me? It would make me feel down, and the feeling down would inhibit me from acting on my wants and desires. But the past few weeks a different approach, an egotistical approach, of reality has been viewed: perhaps this being “special” in everybody else’s eyes makes people intimidated to instigate against me!? I am not sure how accurate this is, but it’s refreshing than the usual socially anxious, self-defeating way of viewing how I interact with others. Perhaps I’m so awesome the girls that I’m attracted to have this mentality: “if he isn’t making the first move, I must not be good enough for him.” All those potential girls lost because I didn’t act. I waited. I was not a man, but a boy. Girls give off clues but DO NOT want to be the first to act. Not from what I’ve seen, anyway.

Even if this is not true, does it matter? Is it really down to how I subjectively perceive reality: how I project thoughts of others? If I project bad perceptions of myself, then I will react accordingly; if I project good perceptions of myself, then I will react accordingly, too! Rather than being so obsessed and self-conscious of my appearance, it is all to do with confidence! I know this is repeated verbatim in this subreddit, but when it comes to you primarily rather than as a secondary resource, it is like a “I was blind but now I see.”

As I reflect back on my alcohol fuelled pickups, where I get out o my head and lose my inhibitions, I was successful because I wasn’t conjuring up fictional scenarios in my head. I was in the present now. I was acting rather than thinking. This video explains it eloquently.

But this is the most recent epiphany, jolted by some social anxiety CBT and Carl Jung: these thoughts are all a part of you. Accept every thought rather than trying to fight it, for the fighting will create a rippling effect and leave you crippled. Approach/social anxiety will be there; self-doubt will be there. But it is only in acceptance of yourself (both your mental and physical self) then change can happen. Condemnation and denial will always prove futile.

Perceptions may be right and they may be wrong, but it is only through action will I learn this. Regret is much worse than rejection. There will be times where self-doubt and anxiety will try and prevent me from acting, but I am willing to accept this a part of it. And through practice, both successes and failures, I will accordingly be able to enhance my outer game as well as be able to interpret body language and signs on a more accurate level.

Now is the time to act.

I'd love to hear your own thoughts on your individual inner game, as well as any books that may be relevant.