Reply to Slow Game in AskSeddit that I think is generally useful.

thanks was going to ask y "Hey i like you, want to go on a date was a bad idea", just saw you answered it. Thanks

Question when does it work? It seems that its really traditional advice to just ask a girl on a date? Why is it bad and it what situations does it actually work?

The reason "asking a girl on a date" is bad is because the human interaction most people see is:

Not Dating -> Dating -> Exclusive -> Marriage

But there are thousands of micro-steps in between each of those.

We're really judgemental people--this is good, it saves us from getting into trouble with people who aren't right for us. It also lets people know that we don't like a certain behaviour, which lets people train themselves socially--this is why ANY social interaction is better than none.

It's also why there are so many micro-steps. We judge tons of little things in each other before we take a visible step. When you buy an expensive new toy, you check the back of the box. Same thing here.

The word "date" isn't the stigma; the issue is the idea that you go from zero to hero when you ask her out. That doesn't happen. You need to see the back of the box.

Mystery says you go through at least the Attraction and Comfort parts of his M3 Model. Savoy says you go through at least Attraction, Qualification and Comfort of the Emotional Progression Model. Sinn has some ridiculously complex but super awesome diagram thing. What they're saying is, "these things have to happen before you get to HERO."

I've asked girls out on "dates" many a time to great success. I even call random hangouts with girls "dates" just to make them smile about it. The reason it works is because I've gone through those "invisible" steps that Mystery and Savoy and Sinn (et. al.) describe.

When I ask a girl out on a date, I'm not taking a big step. Usually we're already more than interested enough in each other anyway, and we both just see the "date" as logistics.

Calling it a "Day 2" is just weird IMHO.

Hope that helps :)