i'm pretty pissed at myself right now and i think i'm in shock. it hurts you guys, i'm dyin'.

decided to go out tonight. was a little off but opened many sets and had a decent time. i started later but # closed hb8 and generally fucked around the venue. all standard and not what this field report is about.

after leaving the bar i didn't feel like going home so i walked down the strip looking for some other people to talk to. in the process i noticed these two good lookin women walkin' with some guys they had obviously just met. i kinda followed them and tried to look for an opening but the logistics seemed off so i moved on.

on my way home i saw them walking down the street without those guys. i was down the road so i actually ran across the street and caught up to them just before they got into their car. here guys i know i'm giving into that bullshit mentality of suckin' your own dick even after you fail, but fellas you gotta believe me my opening was that bullshit RSD, youtube pick-up, approach you gotta-buy-it video for sale now videos.

they were parked facing the sidewalk so as i passed i pointed at them in their car and made a face like, "it's you guys!" then walked to the driverside and motioned for them to roll down their window. i asked (this might be paraphrased): "hey wtf i just saw you girls i'm flaggin you down cuz i saw you earlier with those guys and...hey, why aren't you with those guys right now?" they said they were lame or something and after some more conversation (and some minor kino through the window) they asked me to smoke with them, and asked if they could come over to my place. the driver got out of her seat to let me in (it was a truck) and after noticing a book i liked on her truck's floor i congratulated her a bunch and we hugged almost PASSIONATELY a couple of times. everything was very amiable, very nice, and very warm. i was totally in there and we headed back to my place.

off the bat they liked my pad. they were girl coding some but after calling them out on it once or twice they stopped doing it and instead spoke more often. they were pretty attached and were touching each other in vaguely sexual ways (making this whole thing harder for me to write.) they even used the bathroom together, and i could hear them taking turns pissing. i mean... it's a small place and a small bathroom. i dunno if they've fucked but based on how they were acting these girls have made-out topless i promise you. i don't think i would've been their first threesome either.

they were offering minor resistance and i won them over completely. i was a serious boss for so many moments. like these women i could see in their EYES they were waiting for some interesting fucking dude to come do this to them. dat powerful frame.

they were eventually eating peanut butter off of their fingertips in front of me and meanwhile they had been kinoing me while teasing, etc. tbh, my game was mostly solid and i built comfort and attraction for shizzle.

at the end though... man. what a fuckin' hassle it is to write this conclusion. such a sorryass moment i'm ashamed. a choke for the ages. it's true what they say that game doesn't mean shit if you can't close. it could've been so pleasurable and i even KNOW what to do... like, i can hear myself saying and see myself doing all of those things! it's really annoying!

they announced they were going to leave, allowing ample opportunity for me to make some close but i'd been eating some carrots and they did this right when i took a big bite. so i said "hold on" meaning i was gonna finish chewing-up then say good-bye but i took too long and in a couple moments they started getting up and so i said again, "hold on" but i got misunderstood and one them replied:

"no (name), we really gotta go. (something about work.)"

she wasn't trying to flee. i had connected with her especially and earlier we exchanged some intimate looks. even then she was receptive to me and said it in a coy kind of kid-like way. i wish i said, "you can stay here." even if they didn't stay it would've led me down the right path. i mean, asking for a number is easy when you can ask them to spend the night with you, right?

i'm a clown of the earth though and stunned i get up and say some stupid shit while they make their way toward the door. i'm unable to process the compromise i need to make (must number close, not k or f-close) and i couldn't eek out: "it was fun hanging out, we should do it again (daturday), what're your numbers?"

fuckwit that i am i say some random crap i don't remember and then i say "before you go let me say this"

lemme stop here and say that nothing good has ever come after that statement and it's my recommendation to the court to have it rinsed from the record entirely, and then i say we throw the baby out with the bathwater too because who wants a baby and something about the russians and the iron curtain and tea with glass in it.

"before you go let me say this..." and here i'm looking right at them, and i feel the weight of the logistics and the morbid curiosity in their eyes and.. i choke. i say (you ready?):

"always smoke your bud" smile

"before you go let me say this... always smoke your bud" smile

what a stupid fucking thing to say. totally incongruous with my entire image and before they even left they asked me, "were you at the (club) tonight?" and i hadn't been and it didn't matter that i hadn't been but i still lied and said, "oh yeah... i was there at (some earlier time)." what happened to me? i sabotaged myself.

so they say thanks or some shit and bounce. i'm totally crushed after i shut the door. i feel so weak when i turn around and walk inside i can hardly face my room. i immediately begin damning myself and it hits me i'll probably never see them again--and i thought about running after them (it wasn't too late)--but didn't bring myself to do it. i think that was the right thing to do... my state was so fucked i dunno if i could've salvaged it. i'd trust myself now or some time but not then i don't think.

good lord somebody slap me with a trout i'm dyin' over here. always smoke your bud.. i might as well be neighing. i feel like shitbag.

i got a date with the girl i closed at the bar tomorrow evening but this is gonna leave a pretty sour taste in my mouth. i've been dropping the ball closing lately after showing some pretty sophisticated game and it's beginning to get at me... i need to ALWAYS BE CLOSIN'. i think maybe i should start doing it earlier in the conversation with the high-value sets instead of waiting for the last (what feels like) quarter of our time together. like i'll think: "it's getting near the end i should try to close" but i should just be closing as quickly as i can as long as i can do it without losing any face. i should be closing at any peak in the conversation where her buying temperature is high.

i've been getting mushmouthed at those high-stress moments when you're about to lose your set to logistics and i've lately been letting it happen. i open tons of sets so it's ok but i'm losin' way more fish than i should. better game be damned, in the times i can't speak i should just kino. say something about goodbye faretheewell and give a very warm hug. this will instantly remind you of why you're there talking to her and you'll maybe do your sack a favor for once, ok?

so she said they needed to go and they were gone. good morning seddit.